Are we not as good friends as I thought anymore?

[shineonyoucrazydiamondd]

I’ve known my best friend for 20 years, she was my maid of honour at my wedding. In the last few years we barely meet up, even though we don’t live far away from each other (about 30mins by bus)
we both have children but of different ages.

she met a new friendship group in her local area about 3 years ago, they all have kids same age and at the same school, and basically she seems to just make effort with them now. We still text often and I can still be open about my life and we talk about what we are up to and how we are, but whenever I ask to meet up for a coffee/walk/lunch/drinks it just never happens. She’s always busy with the kids or at work or doing DIY. Or when on the rare occasion she does ask to meet up she asks me literally last minute to do something now but I’m then at work or already have plans so feels like I’m a last resort if she does ever bother to ask me.

But then I see on FB she’s tagged doing days out with this group of women, going on nights out to the pub (we haven’t done that in years), trips to London, weekends away.

I don’t want to come across like that jealous friend so I haven’t said anything; but it does really hurt. Before she would ask me to do things, and now she doesn’t at all. Stuff she would do with me she only makes the effort with them now. She says I’m her best friend when she sends me birthday cards etc but I just don’t see that at all anymore. I appreciate we text but I feel like we are just text friends now. Is our friendship over? I’m getting to a point where I want to cut ties as it hurts we don’t meet up or do I need to just appreciate what we have. Unsure about broaching it as I’m fed up of being the one to make the effort.

It prob ran its course op. Hurtful though. I used meet my cousin she was great. Just zero effort now. Felt I looked silly chasing her did she want to meet. I think if you get flaky vibes just leave it. Maybe I was more invested in friendships

This happened to me too. My long term friend also moved on with the school mums at her child’s school. Was never really free for me, but constant name dropping and bragging about what she had done with her new friends. I also had the added confusion that she would send me ‘best friend’ birthday cards, just like your friend does. I wonder if the cards are just a habit. In the end I realised actions spoke louder than words. I stopped initiating contact and as a result it’s fizzled out, although I still receive the ‘best friend’ cards confusingly!

I’m wondering if it’s habit too now, it’s a weird one isn’t it! I need to stop asking to meet up now. It’s sad when this happens.

If you're ready to sack off the friendship and walk away then you might as well be honest.

Linda I really miss seeing you and spending time together. I know we text a lot, but it's not the same as hanging out. We feel more like penpals than true friends which is crazy when we live so close.

I know the feeling...I think when you have had friends for many years you almost imagine you'll grow old together, it's a bit like a marriage. You could talk about it if you can get her to come but it may make things really awkward. I think you should focus on other friendships. It can be really upsetting. I am going through something similar and it feels as though I am not enough anymore. It's sad and it does hurt.

It is sad but the true ones will stay by your side. She obviously isn't one x

Hi @shineonyoucrazydiamondd
I have a couple of best friends and i do have moments where i think are we even friends anymore, haven't heard from them, no effort. But...as soon as we do meet and see each other omg it's like no time has passed and we have the best time. I love those moments and as life goes on i want them to be part of my life because they have known me forever.
If you can, try and plan to meet up with your friend, don't give up too soon xx

I’d let her come to you from now on. Concentrate on other friendships - she isn’t who you think she Soz

What @SleepingStandingUp said.

Don’t put yourself out for her. I would entirely stop attempting to initiate contact and just send her a card at Christmas. She’s clearly not interested and there’s nothing you’ll be able to do to change that. Do t bother trying to discuss it with her as it wouldn’t make anything better.

I think you shouldn’t need to bring this up with her because ask yourself, what would it change? Is she going to make a better effort if she risks losing your friendship? I doubt she would. Then you’ll have poured your heart out, to get nothing in return, and it may end up making you feel worse. She’ll probably have a long line of reasons/excuses as to why she can’t meet up. They’ll all be very feasible and you’ll feel silly for having said anything. She may have just grown apart from you, maybe she finds she slots in well with the group she’s in now and it’s taking precedence. What about just not sending her a msg for a while? And leaving it up to her? If she doesn’t msg you then, just let it go fully. I know how hurtful it can be when something like this happens. It’ll take time to get over it but eventually, you will. Just know that it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t take it personally. Surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you .

I have a group of best friends - 5 of us. It's very rare we all get together at the same time now, and I can go weeks/months without seeing any of them. Because we've all lead our own lives over the last decade or so and no longer make all our plans around Friday and Saturday nights at the pub. They are still the ones I'd turn to.

Have you told her how you feel? I agree with pp that it would be worth saying something. "Can we put a date in the calendar, I miss hanging out with you, feels like it's been forever!"
I would never see one of my friends if we didn't book dates well in advance!