How to make ex more involved

[MaxwellCat]

(Reposted from parenting as really need more advice) I know I will be told I can't make someone parent or whatever but I need to find a way to make my ex have our kids more / overnight. I can't cope with my daughters behaviour (severely autistic) I'm sick of the judgement / comments outside. I have to take her everywhere with me i cannot leave her at home or with anyone and yes its easy to say ignore or thick skin etc but when its happening daily I can't cope with 6 weeks of this (she's out of school anyway but at least when its school I only have her to deal with) she screams constantly. I need to find a way to get my ex to step up I don't want social work involvement so no comments suggesting that just how or ways I can explain to my ex he needs to be more involved?
Please only responses on how I can make him more involved how I can speak to him to get him to see he needs to step up?

Is he father to your other kids too or just her? How old is she? Has he been involved recently? How long since he has spent any time with her?

All of them. But she is the one im struggling with. He last saw them around 2 months ago.

I know you don’t want to hear it but you can’t force him to help if he doesn’t want to. There’s no law stating that someone with parents responsibility actually has to see their child. As frustrating as it is

I do get that but I just mean why give up surely I should at least try to have a conversation with him rather than just saying oh well I can't force him.

You can of course have the conversation. But there is no way to enforce contact. I have seen a close family member go through similar with her son, now 22 and still needs to be minded constantly.

As a family and some close friends we asked her essentially to train us how to look after him. This means she gets a break one evening and every second weekend.

Have you any family/ friends who perhaps want to help but don't know how ?

No my family don't want to help. "My children my choice" was my mums words

Why has he stopped seeing the kids? Has he moved away, has he said 'I don't want to see them'. Without knowing a bit more it's hard for us to advice you OP

This is normal for him he has always been inconsistent he has never stuck to regular contact and going months or more between contact is normal for him

If your DD's behaviour is difficult to deal with its not surprising he doesnt want to look after her. Is doing something with your DD and ex a possibility. Not ideal but I cant see any other options if family arent willing to help.

I'm sorry you are struggling- but simply- you can't. You can't force someone to be involved who doesn't want to be. I know you've said that you are not interested in having social work involvement, but they may be able to help you access services, respite, which you'll not get otherwise

Its his child 🙁

Bit shocked by that comment tbh. You don't just stop seeing your kids because their behaviour is challenging she's a child with significant special needs. Its not surprising he doesn't want to see her? He's never had to deal with her behaviour he has left it all to me. Any child can be challenging you dont just stop bothering with them.

The only way you can possibly get him to have the DC is to point out that an overnight a week would reduce his maintenance payments. Sometimes money is the only thing that reaches them.

He doesn't pay any maintenance