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Original poster

On Again Off Again

40 replies

Fairydream567 · 24/07/2023 23:02

I’ll keep this brief, connected with a man from a dating app over a year ago now and have a fantastic connection, love chatting to him. We will talk loads and everything is fine but suddenly he will ghost for days/ weeks/ months at a time. Often it will be when we plan to meet, he will arrange to meet then will get cold feet and this will trigger a new round of ghosting. He’s not a catfish and doesn’t have a gf/wife before anyone suggests it. He is single but I think there’s some MH issues there that he’s touched upon in convo and very low confidence and self esteem as well. He’s recently done it again and when I’ve confronted him about ghosting he blocked me. Has anyone had any experience of anything like this or any insight of what to make of the entire thing?

OP posts:
StrawberryRainbows · 25/07/2023 13:04

He sounds extremely immature with very little life experience and a mummy's boy. The fact that he can't handle conflict. You'd be running circles around someone like this.
He might be embarrased about his situation and living arrangement with his mum hence trying to avoid meet ups. Perhaps maybe a financial issue?
Is he a young lad?

Original poster
Fairydream567 · 25/07/2023 13:18

StrawberryRainbows · 25/07/2023 13:04

He sounds extremely immature with very little life experience and a mummy's boy. The fact that he can't handle conflict. You'd be running circles around someone like this.
He might be embarrased about his situation and living arrangement with his mum hence trying to avoid meet ups. Perhaps maybe a financial issue?
Is he a young lad?

He did mention this after me pushing a lot on why he was avoiding meeting. Mentioned the living situation and not having a driving licence or a car. He’s almost 30

OP posts:
NooNaNa · 25/07/2023 13:27

Whatever the reason (he's married, ugly, stupid, depressed etc) he's wasting your time.

Chuck him back into the sea and find someone easier.

WatieKatie · 25/07/2023 18:04

Why are you wasting your time? Things are never going to get easier with him. Draw a line under his and move on.

YoSof · 25/07/2023 18:26

How many messages did you send exactly?

This is so far from normal. He lives in his childhood bedroom at his mums?!

He ghosts you repeatedly yet you keep the door open for him, someone you’ve never even met and treats you appallingly?

Raise the bar sister. It’s on the floor.

littlebopeepp234 · 25/07/2023 19:17

Fairydream567 · 24/07/2023 23:02

I’ll keep this brief, connected with a man from a dating app over a year ago now and have a fantastic connection, love chatting to him. We will talk loads and everything is fine but suddenly he will ghost for days/ weeks/ months at a time. Often it will be when we plan to meet, he will arrange to meet then will get cold feet and this will trigger a new round of ghosting. He’s not a catfish and doesn’t have a gf/wife before anyone suggests it. He is single but I think there’s some MH issues there that he’s touched upon in convo and very low confidence and self esteem as well. He’s recently done it again and when I’ve confronted him about ghosting he blocked me. Has anyone had any experience of anything like this or any insight of what to make of the entire thing?

Yes I have had this exact same thing happen to me a while ago! Would mention a day to meet up and then he’d just disappear off the face of the earth claiming work had got in the way and he got too busy. When I finally got fed up and told him what I thought, he decided to turn it all around on me, blame me saying I was the issue and then blocked me!

Do yourself a favour and google ‘dismissive avoidant attachment style’ and I’m pretty sure it will describe him down to a tee!

These people are commitaphobes! They like the idea of having a connection but at the same time are scared of it! And so run away, avoid, ghost and block! You may have got a few months of great dates and communication in the beginning but that’s it really. He will just repeat the same pattern over and over again. They drain your soul! He has shown you the real him, believe him and find someone who deserves you.

littlebopeepp234 · 25/07/2023 19:19

Fairydream567 · 25/07/2023 13:18

He did mention this after me pushing a lot on why he was avoiding meeting. Mentioned the living situation and not having a driving licence or a car. He’s almost 30

Show quote history

Living situation? No driving license? What’s that got to do with ghosting you! I mean, I assume he has a phone and is able to physically use his phone to actually communicate with you and let you know where you stand rather than ghosting you and plucking up some weird excuse about his living situation and driving license! Some people never cease to amaze me with their pathetic excuses lol

Original poster
Fairydream567 · 25/07/2023 22:26

YoSof · 25/07/2023 18:26

How many messages did you send exactly?

This is so far from normal. He lives in his childhood bedroom at his mums?!

He ghosts you repeatedly yet you keep the door open for him, someone you’ve never even met and treats you appallingly?

Raise the bar sister. It’s on the floor.

You’re right, it is so far from normal, I totally agree.

I messaged him to confirm, then again saying to let me know if he was cancelling. He was sat online so I tried calling him. All this went ignored so at that point I messaged again having a go saying I can’t believe he would do this again and he argued back and said he had been planning on replying later as he was busy atm. Then he blocked.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydream567 · 25/07/2023 22:30

littlebopeepp234 · 25/07/2023 19:17

Yes I have had this exact same thing happen to me a while ago! Would mention a day to meet up and then he’d just disappear off the face of the earth claiming work had got in the way and he got too busy. When I finally got fed up and told him what I thought, he decided to turn it all around on me, blame me saying I was the issue and then blocked me!

Do yourself a favour and google ‘dismissive avoidant attachment style’ and I’m pretty sure it will describe him down to a tee!

These people are commitaphobes! They like the idea of having a connection but at the same time are scared of it! And so run away, avoid, ghost and block! You may have got a few months of great dates and communication in the beginning but that’s it really. He will just repeat the same pattern over and over again. They drain your soul! He has shown you the real him, believe him and find someone who deserves you.

Show quote history

Oh god! Well this guy wouldn’t even have an excuse tbh. He liked to just pretend like nothing had happened. Did your guy ever unblock and try popping back up again?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydream567 · 25/07/2023 22:33

littlebopeepp234 · 25/07/2023 19:19

Living situation? No driving license? What’s that got to do with ghosting you! I mean, I assume he has a phone and is able to physically use his phone to actually communicate with you and let you know where you stand rather than ghosting you and plucking up some weird excuse about his living situation and driving license! Some people never cease to amaze me with their pathetic excuses lol

Show quote history

I honestly never was given any other explanation or excuse beyond this.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/07/2023 22:52

Have you video chatted? How do you know it's not a bored 14 year old?
Don't waste any more time on him.

StickSeason · 25/07/2023 23:04

I echo previous posters. Raise the bar and stop wasting your energy on a virtual connection.
Every time you welcome him back after ghosting you devalue yourself and demonstrate the standard of behaviour you are prepared to accept.

Stop accepting crumbs and stop letting him live rent free in yiur head. It's really not worth it - whatever his motivation. He may not be available to date or not available to date you but either way, cut your losses, work on your standards and enjoy meeting people for real life dates.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/07/2023 23:38

I don't think it's necessarily another woman. Quite possibly anxiety, mental health issues. But anyway, the what/why doesn't matter. What matters is this isn't making you happy.

LeoBabyy · 26/07/2023 00:01

I’m sorry but this is so bizarre. Your bar is truly in hell. He treats you like this because you let him. He should have been blocked the first time he ghosted you. He’s treating you like a mug and you’re here tying to make sense of it all. Block and move on. You never even met in person!

Original poster
Fairydream567 · 26/07/2023 00:24

Don’t worry, I don’t think he treats me fantastic or anything like that! I know it’s bizarre behaviour, just never encountered the likes of it!

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