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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anyone ever been in a rebound relationship

7 replies

juicytubes · 24/07/2023 22:34

Where you were the ' new ' gf/bf and he or she had recently finished a relatively serious relationship?
Did it work or did you run fir the hills of there was drama/ upset on the part of the person who was dumped ?

OP posts:
Prettybutdumb · 24/07/2023 22:48

I was at some point in my life… This woman broke up with him after some miserable years together but he was holding on for dear life because she was stunning (and much, much younger). The flat was full of her bikini pics - hundreds of them in albums. He had a voicemail from her that he would repeatedly play (to me as well - ‘what do you think she meant? Let’s sit and analyse my ex’s voicemail once again’). Stories after stories that I had to listen to - she was so crazy, but oh so beautiful!

I was in my early 20s, so he really enjoyed them young and stupid innocent, but to this day I can’t understand how I put up with this crap for so long.

He went on to marry someone also in her early 20s and absolutely ruined her life. They had a baby and he moved his wife in with his sister Mon- Fri because he needed his sleep for his important job. Also holidayed without them in the Caribbean, just by himself so he can recharge his batteries. He sure got back his energy because he started an affair with his wife’s sister, his SIL. She was… you guessed, also early 20s. Disgusting man!

TheSilentSister · 24/07/2023 23:36

There's different sorts of 'rebound'. There's the sort where the person was left and the sort where the person did the leaving.

Some people think the best way to get over it in either case is to be with someone else. But it means that they haven't resolved any issues that remain.
If your new guy did the 'leaving' then maybe he was emotionally removed a long time before they parted. If that's not the case, then avoid, big time.

juicytubes · 24/07/2023 23:43

He did the leaving after a year of arguments that were never resolved, preceded by a year of happiness.
He is insistent it's the right decision and says he isn't for turning but has also said that you can't just stop the memories of the good times. He has been emotional about his decision and she is in a really bad place crying and arriving at his house unannounced etc.

Personally I think he was emotionally abused but have not said that to him as he already feels awful for breaking up with her as she expected an engagement more than an end to the relationship .

Think I'll run a mile from this .

OP posts:
ElowenFelicity · 25/07/2023 00:20

I was the rebound and I’m married to him now and we have been together over 7 years. I didn’t know I was the rebound when we met but we never planned beyond a week ahead for the first six months as he worked away Monday to Friday at the time all over the uk. Everybody’s relationship and circumstances are different though.

My husband and his ex had both emotionally checked out for nearly a year before she ended it though. It doesn’t sound like your partner is ready for a new relationship as he is still very guilt ridden over his previous relationship. I would never suggest staying with someone in this kind of relationship but it sounds like counselling may help him. I would definitely recommend leaving him though as he needs to learn to live alone again and deal with his own feelings before he will every be ready for another partner.

GreyCarpet · 25/07/2023 07:01

juicytubes · 24/07/2023 23:43

He did the leaving after a year of arguments that were never resolved, preceded by a year of happiness.
He is insistent it's the right decision and says he isn't for turning but has also said that you can't just stop the memories of the good times. He has been emotional about his decision and she is in a really bad place crying and arriving at his house unannounced etc.

Personally I think he was emotionally abused but have not said that to him as he already feels awful for breaking up with her as she expected an engagement more than an end to the relationship .

Think I'll run a mile from this .

He definitely has unresolved issues regarding the relationship and doesn't sound in a position to date until he's made peace with it all.

He might have made the decision to end it but that doesn'tean he's ready to over on yet and needs to come to terms with it before he moves on.

I'd agree with running a mile.

juicytubes · 25/07/2023 13:51

I think he probably needs a bout six months to heal from all of this . Far too much baggage I think. I have my own shit to deal with but who knows in the future ?

OP posts:
1Blueshoe · 08/01/2025 11:53

I think I was a rebound relationship for nearly 12 years. I've just ended and I am realising he was never really in it. He was legally separated but never got divorced finalized and admitted at the end he was partly using that to keep me at arms length to avoid getting hurt. I would never enter a relationship with someone who wasn't completely ready again.

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