Worried my friend has faded me out

[MargsMargsMargs]

I think that someone I consider to be one of my best friends is fading me out. It’s hurting me and also annoying me.

Has anyone been in this situation? I’m not sure what to do.

Two bits of info:

• She is having a bit of a tough time at the moment. However, I’m going through something almost identical so was hoping we’d turn to each other for support and a morale boost.
• She was annoyed by a comment I made a few months ago, when I explained how something she did made me feel. When she told me she was annoyed, we spoke on the phone to clear things up. I apologised. During the course of the phone call I ended up getting very upset (hyperventilating) and told her I had to end the call to breathe and calm down before calling her back. She did apologise too and we left the call on a good note.

I am worried that my emotional reaction on the call has put her off me. But it feels really sad and unfair if this caused the end of a 20 year friendship.

I’m beating myself up about my handling of this situation… but also annoyed because if she really is fading me out due to this it seems ludicrous.

I want to speak to friends in real life too but it’s tricky because most of my close friends are our mutual friends. I value their perspective but I don’t want to put them in the middle.

I suppose I could be annoying her in plenty of other ways but my gut says it’s this!

I'm in a similar position. Sometimes it's just too much. I had to distance myself from someone as I couldn't cope with their issues as well as my own. I had other friends and they were wonderful. I now find myself in a weird situation of feeling distanced from the friend who also had issues. I was upfront and told them that I couldn't cope with anything else at the time. We are slowly getting back.
Your friend is probably scared of setting you off again. Give it time and reach out again, if you want to?

Has anything else happened you can think of that would be a reason for this? Apart from the call? There’s no way that a good friend of mine for 20 years would put me off with a panic attack over the phone. Maybe she doesn’t want to hear your issues, are you offloading on her?

It does sound like there is something deeper going on here. No one would be put off from a 20 year friendship over a panic attack - they would be concerned and worried, not ending the friendship. Maybe some space would help with the off reaching out type of message every other week or so to check in. Or tell her how you’re feeling and that you’re there for her if she wants to chat but that you feel like something is amiss at the moment. How she reacts will speak volumes.

It really is just that situation. I am worried she thinks my panic attack was “offloading” and she’s decided she doesn’t want anything to do with me.

I’ve been faded out by a close friend. Feels crap doesn’t it.

In my case it was because I was having a tough time and wrongly thought it was ok to moan to my friend about it. But she only really likes fun happy people so 🤷‍♀️