Could this be the start or am I being ridiculous.

[TwistedCherry]

Hi everyone.

I have posted here before about my relationship with an abusive partner, to which I am currently planning my escape.

The abuse is emotional/mental, partner is very controlling and name calls all the time.

We share a 4 years old DS.

And this is what my question is in regards to. Now, I don't know whether I'm just being very sensitive, as I'm called names like this and as a result I find it triggering or this could be the start of abuse to our child.

So my partner will often tap DS (playfully) on the bum and say in a funny voice "big fat bum" to which they both laugh.

Now, it could genuinely be completely innocent and DP is adamant she's just joking and I'm being too serious and need to lighten up but I can't help but think that if she continues to say that to him, it could affect him later on in life.
Am I just thinking that because of the constant derogatory comments I receive and I'm being ridiculous or could she be being sinister.

Can I also note that she can be very short tempered with him, especially when he's having a meltdown (he's on the autistic spectrum) occasionally calls him names, like moody little twat, you're vile (if he shouts at her) you're a naughty boy.
And she once made a comment that she'd rather give up the DLA money she's receiving to have a normal child.

Are you actually asking if your abusive partner is being abusive?

Yes. Yes they are. Get you and your child away asap, nothing else matters.

Oh my goodness this sounds awful. ImGine being 4 and someone in a parental role calling you a vile little twat. Or “joking” about touching you inappropriately. Get your child away from this horrible person asap OP.

I know she's abusive, it's just when she says to our DS "big fat bum" (while tapping his bum) although she's doing it at that time in a playful way, I can't help but think it's not but she's convinced it's just harmless fun and I'm being pathetic.

I am planning mine and my DS escape, it's not as quick as I'd like though, it has to be when it's safe for us to leave and she's off work right now, so it's impossible as she never leaves us alone apart from going to work.

Even today, I'm on my third day of being extremely ill that I've had to call in sick to work, she made sure I went with her to drop DS off at nurser, then had to remain in the car while she drove round going to a shop and to collect a next parcel, when I said I wanted to be dropped back off at home, I weren't allowed.
When I try to explain how ill I'm feeling, all I get is how much worse she is.

Now I've just been told that the flat is in a mess so while she goes out to collect something with DS I better tidy up while she's out.

My dad used to call me thunder thighs. He was joking because he actually thought I had sparrow legs. I didn’t understand this & thought my legs were fat.

The result of this was me having bullemia from age 9 which I still battle 30 years later.

Its a shit joke and he needs to stop

Again ?

This is exactly what I'm worried about. It may only seem harmless now and she's convinced it is as is her family (they can't see any wrong in her behaviour and never call her up on it)

I know in my gut it's not right but when an abusive person gets in your head and convinces you that you're insane and too serious and crazy you really start to believe you are and I'm trying to ignore that and see it for what it really is.

I'm just trying to equip myself with everything as I'm scared people won't believe me when me and my DS have left as she's got her entire family believing I'm crazy and she'll deny everything, play it down and turn it around.

Stop posting. Start leaving.

Honestly just get out, it doesn’t matter what other people think or believe. You don’t have to tell them if you don’t want to.
I really don’t appreciate that my mum didn’t stick up for me more, don’t be like that.
Your partner may think it’s a harmless joke but if it doesn’t sit well with you, plus all the other issues, just leave.

When our kids were little we'd all call each other silly names like 'stinky bum' or 'poopy face' so I thought of that when I first read your post. But while a name like this in a fun loving context might be ok, combined with all the other stuff, nope, not a chance!

You know (from having been called names yourself) just how damaging this can be so I think you'd be very wise to speed up those plans to leave.