Husband messaging someone at work - I’m 30 weeks pregnant

[Lou1293]

Hi everyone

I saw my husband on his phone a few weeks ago and could see he had been messaging a new female colleague - I didn’t mention anything at the time although it played on my mind for a few days.
About a week later I asked him about the messages and initially he denied messaging her, he then admitted to messaging but had deleted all of them. He said it was because I would take it the wrong way and it was just ‘friendly’ banter.

I’ve said that if it’s just ‘friendly banter’ I want him to ask her to send him all of the screenshots from their messages. Is this unreasonable? I’m hormonal, pregnant and emotional. It all feels deceitful and dishonest and I don’t know what to do. He’s worried that it will be airing our dirty laundry to the team at work.

Help! Any advice welcome

If there was nothing to hide, why didn’t he show you instead of deleting? Dodgy

Don't drag her into it. It's bizarre to even think that she would screenshot you the messages anyway. She won't want to get involved whether innocent or not.

I understand you are concerned and he may be messing around with her at some level but this isn't the way to resolve it.

My thoughts exactly. Although he says because I’ll take it the wrong way. Admittedly I’ve been incredibly hormonal and snapping at him throughout pregnancy and very insecure about my changing body. However, I don’t think it excuses deleting messages to another woman.

I feel that if he can prove they are innocent then fair enough but I can’t help but question why be dishonest in the first place

Yeah just a chat about work normally and that’s about it really that’s most of our phone calls or the important ones

By text or WhatsApp?
If you reinstall what's app you can reinstall the messages as long as he is set to back up his messages

It doesn't look great that he deleted the messages if it's as innocent as he says.

I don't think it's reasonable to ask her to get involved in proving anything to you by sending screenshots. If it was innocent it would make you seem really over the top and jealous.

If it's not innocent he obviously won't ask her to do that and would invent a reason why he can't/won't ask her to.

Have you got reason to not trust him and think he would cheat?

Shoe on the other foot. If I was a colleague fog your husband's and his wife asked mt robscteen shit out conversation I would not. I would think she had trust issues (and insane )and I wouldnt involve myself at all I wouldn't feel I have to justify myself to anyone

If you have an issue with your husband then that's for you to sort out. Between you

Or if it’s text try recently deleted to get them back.

He’s lying. You know he’s lying.

Don’t tie yourself in knots trying to get proof, you already know.

Why are men such dicks?! It’s depressing reading thread after thread of the same thing! Take some time to decide what to do next, but he has shown you who he is . The fact that you’re pregnant makes it even more disgusting.

If there is nothing to hide. Why did he delete the messages? Trust your gut instinct with situations like this! Some men honestly! X

Just say from now on that he's not allowed to delete messages from her.

This is a win-win... not involving her, cutting off the outside work communication with her if there is anything, and an obvious proof of trust because if there's nothing to hide, he won't delete any more.

If it's WhatsApp, do this!

I tested it on my phone recently and it worked

My first thought was if his lying he is cheating

Turns out he was! Found out at 34 weeks when I caught him at her house - we’re over and getting a divorce now

Good luck , hope your healing heart journey is short x

That's awful! I'm so sorry. I hope you had a nice Christmas.

That's so horrible. Fancy doing that to you. Hope you managed to have a nice Christmas well away from him.

Nn

@SALWARP2023 it might be worth you reading the OP's update before posting...!

@SALWARP2023

Thank you for your helpful comment. I’m not sure if you’ve ever been pregnant but it is an incredibly vulnerable time for a woman and I’d like to hope even if people don’t agree - there’s ways to comment with compassion and kindness.

Luckily I’m in a much better place now over 4 months later but at the time he was gaslighting me and blaming my paranoia on hormones. So maybe I was ‘hard work’ but I found out that this had been going on quite a while between them.

Also as an update - I did not and haven’t spoken or messaged her, I trusted my gut. He ignored my messages and phone calls when I was in hospital one evening due to concerns with our baby and decided to drive to her house when I was discharged (I had seen a postcode in his sat nav which I suspected was hers) and low and behold he was there.

Well, what a total git.
Good luck for the future sweetie, to both you and your little one x