You Don’t Care What You Look Like

[Debini]

is what my husband said a few days ago. I don’t think he meant it in an offensive way but it’s still paying on my mind. He said it as if was a compliment, I suppose I’m not massively into hair and make up but him saying that hasn’t really done much for my confidence.
Would you be offended if your dh said this to you? Or am I being silly?

For context it went something like this “My ex was vain (who I know) , I’m glad your not like that you don’t really care what you look like”.

Have you been talking idly about a school mum’s Botox, or your frenemy’s Brazilian butt lift? It sounds as if he’s worried you might suddenly be feeling inclined to spend money and time on your appearance - so he’s heading you off at the pass …

Essentially You don’t care about … means I don’t want you to care about … Because all your attention should be on me, not looking attractive for other people …

(I had a boyfriend once who said the same, with the same subtext. I liked him - so I just smiled sweetly and kept my own counsel. (And all my make up …)

You seem very perceptive, I was talking about getting contact lenses nothing out of the ordinary.

There are several ways a man can compliment a woman who doesn't spend a lot of time grooming 'You look lovely without it' 'I like your natural look' 'I'm not bothered about hair and make up, I love you for you' etc.
Your husband either lacks the wit to know this, or was deliberately paying a back handed compliment. The fact he refers to his ex in derogatory terms and makes a comparison with her to 'compliment' you isn't the greatest either.

Lord!

(Presumably you currently wear glasses?) He’s terrified that the first time you leave the house in lenses every man within a hundred miles will collapse at your feet in unconcealed lust. And you won’t know how to choose between them all …

😂🤣😂

He did say afterwards he was just joking and he’s not innately mean or derogatory to me or about his ex, so it was probably his attempt at humour but it did sting a little, it has made me feel inferior to the ex looks wise but I suppose that’s just my insecurities talking.

My DH says similar. I’m not like most women, all dressed up and hair done, make up on.
Thats because he sees them at social gatherings and me getting out of bed.
I said you are like most men, “a knob.”

I'd take it as a compliment personally.

Even if it was meant as a back-handed insult/neg (which it doesn't sound as if it was from what you've said OP).

If you're feeling like you've "let yourself go a bit" you might be more sensitive to a comment like this though.