It is a very sad situation you find yourself in.
You sound very confused about your feelings and not sure much about his for you.
I don't know your situation much but I can tell you I do appreciate how you feel right now.
You will be riding that rollercoaster for a while.
There is nothing worse than trying to get yourself together after or during a split where you have children to look after. It can be the bleakest moments for some.
I won't lie to you and say that it will be ok tomorrow... but you may have had a good sleep and try to face another day as a human being.
I can only advise you to keep it together for the children. They need you but don't forget that you need you too. Is there anyone who can help with the children for a few days, school runs, babysitting... etc... I don't mean for them to stay away from you but to give you time to yourself?
Be positive with how you think things through. If you do end up talking with your dh, talk about the positive things, not the things that split you up... that will have to be addressed later.
Perhaps he will agree to some counselling with you? I have to admit that it didn't work for me but it all depends of the circs that caused this...
Try to be yourself, grown up, caring mum etc... you owe it to yourself and to dh to show him what he is missing. If all you do is argue and cry, losing it etc when you are with him, then that is all he will see and he isn't going to miss that, is he?
I speak from pure experience - I too was wishing my ex would come back. I loved him so much, but he had an affair. I lost it totally and he didn't come back because what he found was more controlled, positive and more fun than I was at the time he left. she was also married with children, so even that didn't put him off leaving. I have learnt alot about myself from what happened. I am in a sticky mess right now but that is a different story all together.
Be proud of who you are and of your achievements .. write them down - start with why you married him, what attracted you to him in the first place, what he has said (good things) about you, your children, your job, friends etc... Be positive all the time.
I know it all sounds so clinical and easy to say but it does take practice and determination.
If the worse happens, you have given yourself a positive attitude for your future. If you have your wish and he comes home, then you will be prepared to deal with your future together in a positive manner.
I am so truly sorry you are going through this. I honestly appreciate how your heart is aching. I send huge hugs for you all and hope that your love for your dh will help you maintain a positive life, however it turns out.
{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}