Is he playing some kind of game or am I overthinking?

[rainbowraindropp]

I ended my marriage of 12 years a few months ago. Currently still living together while the house sale goes through, hopefully in the next few weeks, thankfully it's been quick!

When I told him it was over he didn't really say much, he asked if I was sure and I said yes. He didn't ask me to reconsider, he didn't say it wasn't what he wanted, he just accepted it. It wasn't a shock to him, it's been on the cards for a while.

I got a strange phone call from his ex (mum to his children) saying he's devastated about the split and had really opened up to her and that I should speak to him, I wasn't happy, he's never showed any signs of being remotely bothered at home but apparently poured his heart out to his ex, who he doesn't get on with. When questioned he said he didn't say much but she kept asking questions. I left it at that.

Few weeks later I got a message from him which clearly wasn't meant to come to me, he tried to make out it was for me but it couldn't have possibly been as it was about sex and was quite suggestive. He stated it was his way of trying to stop me leaving.

Then a few weeks later again his sister contacted my via Facebook basically accusing me of cheating and how could I do that when he's devoted his life to me. Apparently, he told her he'd found messages on my phone to someone else. I've never messaged anyone else, so this simply isn't true.

I found of yesterday he's changed the PIN code on his phone, same pin he's had since before he met me, I asked him why and he said because the kids know it, the kids do not know it, he's never once allowed them on his phone so that's impossible. This ended in a massive row with me accusing him of playing victim to everyone else when he's the one acting shady with dodgy messages, nights out where he didn't come home and changing his PIN code.

I really don't care what he's up to, he can do what he likes. But I do have an issue with him behaving in this way while making out he's so devastated about me leaving.

Is this some kind of game? Am I reading too much into it. What do I even do? I haven't really spoken to anyone about our split, I've just said we mutually decided and that's it, no details. Truth is, I left because he's a lazy man child and I'm tired of doing everything.

I think it’s for the best that you two are over. You’ve decided to separate so I guess he is entitled to speak to other women unless you two decided to to stay single until you’ve separated the house etc

You don’t need to know his phone passcode if you are separated, I’d probably change mine too if my dh and I broke up.

Im saying this gently and trying not to be naive, maybe he is seeing other people but a lot of people see others when they are trying to move on and trying to distract themselves. He may have been seeing someone before you two separated, if you’re wanting to know then you’d need to speak to him about why you two split up.

You have been a decent person and not involved others but he might be confused about the reason you’ve split.

Whatever the truth his family will take his side anyway... Just leave them all to it. No need to contact anybody but home about dc. The bonus of divorce. You get rid of awful in laws!

@Hiddenvoice I'm not bothered about him seeing other people, he can do what he wants but he doesn't need to do that whilst playing victim to everyone else making me look like the bad person. That's my issue.

I know i can't do anything about that, I just don't get why he's making out to everyone else he doesn't want us to separate while seeing other people and never saying that to me.

Just feel like I'm getting all the blame when actually it's all on him being a shit husband. But I haven't told anyone that so now most people only know his warped version.

He's playing the victim so others feel sorry for him. That is all it is. It's the same sort of DM sad face.

You won't need to deal with him (I assume no joint children), his Ex, his sister, his mother or any others in a few months so the best course is just smile and wave, smile and wave. It will irritate them

This. You can’t control what he says to others . So you need to let this go and concentrate on getting your house sale through and planning your new life .