Non-proactive husband during holidays... are they all like this?

[Poodlepops]

Both my husband and I are teachers. So, each year, we have 6 weeks off work together with our children.

I can never get him to think of or plan a thing. It's infuriating. I ask for his input for plans, ideas for what we're going to do for the holidays/ how to budget for all the free time we have/ whether or not to put the children into holiday club for a day or two etc but he just distracts from any conversation about planning at all and changes the subject.

This then means we don't know what we're doing from one day to the next. He'll get up and just want to make decisions on the day. But even then, all I'm met with is "don't know."

If I take control and say "right, let's do X" he'll suddenly find reasons for us not to do it, or say yes and become passive aggressive, sulky and difficult to get moving. It's like he doesn't want to make any decisions but is then offended if I try to take control and make any. I find it very odd. I feel we're so lucky to get 6 weeks of family time each year and we could be doing so much more to make the most of it, but down to him, I think we would all be sat infront of the TV wondering what to do until 2pm each day.

And then he's becoming obstinate and obstructive if I make the decisions. It's depressing. I go off a day or two a week to do things with friends or on my own, which is great, he will also spend a day or two playing golf or watching the football etc so we get time apart. But all this forced family time together just feels so disappointing when he's so reluctant to even think about it.

What's the point in us all spending time together if he makes it so unproductive and miserable? Should I just ditch him, make plans and occupy the kids on my own?

Oops sent to soon. When he occasionally agrees to do something I've suggested, if we do it and there is the tiniest thing wrong with it he makes me feel it's my fault

Another way of looking at it is why should your desire to plan in advance take priority over his desire to be spontaneous and arrange on the day?

I would sit down and have a genuine conversation about it, maybe with a glass of wine while the kids are in bed. Explain how it makes you feel and ask him what he actually wants to do.

If that doesn’t work I’d just make your own plans - including days out with the kids and days when you meet your friends and leave him to it!

If he doesn’t want to plan, I’d go out on my own on the days I hadn’t planned anything for the children so he has to deal with them.

This year we’ve planned the school holidays together, last year we did it a bit more separately but that meant we somethings had similar things close together etc.

Good idea @Simonjt then he can see what happens for himself when you just laze around waiting for life to happen with 2 young children.

Quite the contrary @YRGAM I would absolutely love to be able to not plan so much, but easier said than done with little ones to entertain and prioritise.

How much do your DC actually want to do Op, do they want to go out regularly? If they do then maybe your DH would find it harder to turn them down than you. At the moment he wants it all his own way and that's not fair and no way should you end up doing everything alone. Time for a proper talk about him being a parent too

My dh is the same OP. It’s frustrating! He also gets offended when I want to do things on my own. I feel like I’m missing out on so much because he doesn’t want to do anything. He blames money all the time! But it’s not true! We have enough cash for odd days out and uk camping trips but he’s just so negative about doing anything