Who else wants to join me in being proud of oneself despite having zero tools from their parents, ensuring abusive relationships but still managing to get up everyday and carry on???

[Lovel2]

Fuck it Im so tired of being down on myself because people around me seem to be doing better. I’ve had a shit upbringing and shit relationships but I’ve managed to achieve a lot despite. Other people are so lucky to have had a good start in life but hey ho!!

I'm the same Op, only I haven't achieved much.

I'm with you. Getting up and keeping going is an achievement

Yup, we are still here . For some that’s an achievement in itself . Not giving in to the voices that tell us we are worthless. Holding onto the truth that we are beautiful precious individuals who are loved.

I'm alive, I have my children and a blessed life, but still feel like a worthless piece of shit. I don't know if I'll ever manage to like myself, even a little. My kids love me though, so I hold on to that.

Yes me I agree you have to keep going and that is an achievement itself. I watched a video of inspirational small acts of kindness and it made me cry. There are good people in the world you have to keep remembering that and you are one of them so be kind to yourself

Typo meant to say enduring!!!

Yes im still jealous as fuck at those who have no idea what this feels like but what can I do. I have 2 small children and I hope to god they don’t go through life how I have.

Yup, I hear you! Crap childhood, parents died when young, homelessness in teens. Never much emotional or any other support from wider family, no bank of mum and dad. Some dreadful relationships when young. Dragged myself up by my bootstraps. Got to an age when I finally stopped being down on myself and am proud of my achievements.

Yes! Alcoholic parents, abusive father, enabler mother, I had no idea what a normal relationship is and ended up in some awful ones.
Forced by one much older "boyfriend" into prostitution, ended up in a refuge, a mental unit, homeless, an addict.. Had my daughter in 2018 . Haven't achieved anything else except being clean and sober, got a flat etc.

Nobody I work with or socialise with knows, family don't know because I wasn't in contact with them until recently, so I just have to keep it together and get the fuck on with it. I think I'm bloody marvellous some days and then other days I think it's all horrible.

I'm in. I haven't achieved anything worthwhile but I've reached the stage where I don't care.

Yes I think given all the emotional abuse and neglect in my childhood it's amazing I'm still alive!

I don't function like 'normal' people but considering everything I think I've lucked out.

Snap! Given my high number of ACEs (adverse childhood experiences), statistically I should be a drug addicted sex worker with a criminal record. Instead I buckled down at school because I saw university as an escape route, taught for years, now work in publishing, own my own home and have ended the cycle of abuse with my own child.

I have the occasional spot of anxiety and some people pleasing tendencies I'm trying to work on, but could be much worse.

This is a philosophy I can get behind. My parents are still gaslighting me. I have taken a step back but they're trying to project their rosy narratives on to my teenagers. Whatever I say, I look bitter/crazy. I have a very ordinary job. I am single (I honestly don't care though). I am having a lot of issues with my son who is too like the father that I left (who I only ever got together with because my parents had trained me to accept that my perspective is an act of aggression against the person I'm ''close'' to.

Argh. But I do keep going, and it could all be worse. Despite everything, I don't think I'm anxious. I'm lethargic and apathetic sometimes and I badly procrastinate. Different sides of the underachievers coin. I don't know how some people manage to be really confident go-getters and make a success of their professional life when their parents did this kind of number on them.

I'm as mediocre as you'd expect. BUT, I know I'm enough. I know I don't owe it to anybody to succeed, conventionally. I'm content. I believe I have a greater than AVERAGE capacity to find the joy in the simple things.

@N0ëlle desperation. I made a success of my professional life because I was very very focused on getting out and putting a roof over my head from a young age.

Waves at Hubble.

I get this! I did that too, so I would never ever need them.

This thread is a wonderful idea.

Can I ask others, how did you stop yourself from becoming bitter?

@Hubblebubble good for you. Sometimes, not to make excuses for my lack of success because I'm ok in my head, now, I think it can mess with you more when the manipulations, guiltily, conditional love, shaming, blaming and silent treatments are all subtle. If these things can be subtle. My daughter said "grandma insults you but she does it in a quiet voice and says she's worried about you".

I'm still piecing myself together but I messed up my 20s and 30s in abusive relationships with abusers and manipulators and it was all so familiar. I wondered why I wasn't happy with a happy person. I knew something was wrong, but what. I had a series of epiphanies. I was "born" at about 44!
Still going. Still trying to be more resilient less reactive, less of a people pleaser. Onwards.

But long before I saw my parents parenting and their co dependent marriage through a clear lens, I would feel so bad for other people when they told me details of their childhood, not realising that my "good" childhood had eroded my sense of my self and left me feeling unseen and an inconvenience. It's a common story though.

@OprahWinfery I'm not angry generally, but I am angry with my family. They were giving me the silent treatment and I didn't like the desperate angry hurt reactive version of myself that tried repeatedly to be heard but was told she was crazy. So I stopped trying. There is no contact now which is sad but I like myself more now

@N0ëlle that sounds horrible in its own different way. Mine wasn't subtle, I had hands around my throat and death threats. I consider myself lucky to be alive. I managed to hold on until university, but I seriously considered leaving younger to join the army, just to get away.

Well done Op! be proud of yourself.

I grew up with a very fucked up childhood and found I could even be mad because I know my parents made decisions that ended up disastrous for me, but there was mental health illness, suicide attempts and threats involved. I genuinely believe they made decisions they thought were for the best but they turned out horribly wrong. I sorted our a lot of issue with my parents through my 30a and we found a good close relationship.

i got into an abusive marriage had 2 amazing kids and ended up fleeing in the night and living on a sofa with 2 kids for months. I got diagnosed with ptsd. I managed to pull everything together moved a little distance away, bought a cheap house that needed work, got a new and better paid job and built myself up. There was one day in November 2021 when I was really happy. I was shopping with my teenage dd, I had money to spend. A great flexible job that let me spend time with the kids, I was starting to study to take the next step in my career. I had done my house up. I had good relationship with my parents. My kids are doing amazing and adores my parents.

4 days later my mum died out of the blue. Everything fell apart. I still managed to progress somewhat at work. But not like it could have been. The kids have been devastated. Dad has been. I feel broken. 19 months on I am proud of the fact that I am still going. The kids are well taken care of, I show up for work, I cook, I makes sure the kids get what they need and they think I am doing really well. I feel dead inside. But reading your thread I realise I should be proud that I have survived. I am here, I do what needs to be done.

Sometimes, we really should take a step back and look at what we have achieved. It might not be amazing. It might not be world changing. But it’s a massive feat in itself. This last 18 months it’s been a fight to make it through a day. But I have done it.

Well done Op. Your post is wonderful to read and actually really helped me. Thank you

Abusive dad and a string of abusive relationships...one being extremely bad. Some days I feel really proud of myself for surviving and others feel like a total failure. Trying to be a good parent to my children but struggle so bad with my mental health

I went to uni, the furthest away out of my 3 choices. I managed to achieve a 1st but I was bullied. I was quiet, didn’t go out in the evenings and struggled really being alone despite wanting to be away from my parents, my mum especially. I felt compelled to call everyday though. I went on to do a masters to avoid having to go home. I think after this finished I jumped Into a relationship with an abuser to again avoid going home, although I didn’t know he had issues I threw all my eggs in one basket. Too many bad things happened early on and all that studying was wasted. It was a degree in art and I’ve learnt that imagination and creativity are one of the first things to go when dealing with abuse, it’s no use for survival. I’ve never picked up a pen or brush in 15 years now which is sad considering it was my life, that part of me has just gone.
Im average now, nothing special despite starting off with scholarships. Now I struggle to contain my mental health and issues with attachment, it sucks. Inside of me there used to be someone unique and special but nobody cared about her and she dried up.