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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

School crush come back to haunt me

9 replies

SpiralAgain · 21/07/2023 22:51

I'm in my 30s, been married for 8 years and got two lovely children. My marriage is ok I suppose, probably quite average where there are young children involved. We are always tired, don't get much time for each other these days, but work well together and are generally happy. My sex drive is very low these days, and to be honest I don't really "fancy" my husband anymore. I make the effort a couple of times per week and enjoy sex once we get started.

I've recently made friends with a woman who happens to be married to an old school crush of mine. It sounds absolutely ridiculous, but I seem to have regressed to a teenager. I spend ages looking through their social media and wishing that I was her! I obviously know that social media is a facade and not representative of what goes on behind closed doors, but having spent time with this couple they are clearly so deeply in love with each other. It's making me feel so dissatisfied with what I've got. I've had a bit to drink tonight and am sitting here in floods of tears at "what could have been". This guy is a genuinely lovely person, and has many qualities I wish my husband had.

I have a nice little life, and I'm lucky in so many ways. But this couple seem to have the life I always imagined I would have. I'm not sure I'm posting really, perhaps I need someone to talk some sense into me?

OP posts:
MissingMoominMamma · 21/07/2023 22:56

Perhaps they’re deeply in love because they make a big effort. You get out what you put in. Try it, then people might be envious of your marriage too 😉.

And stop looking at their SM- that’s weird behaviour!

Hawkins0001 · 21/07/2023 22:59

I can completely almost understand your perspectives op.
My own perspective, I could of achieved the whole family package, but instead made a pickle of things at the time.
Although I did see my ex a couple of weeks back we both locked eyes at each other as we passed at the supermarket

Original poster
SpiralAgain · 22/07/2023 07:01

MissingMoominMamma · 21/07/2023 22:56

Perhaps they’re deeply in love because they make a big effort. You get out what you put in. Try it, then people might be envious of your marriage too 😉.

And stop looking at their SM- that’s weird behaviour!

Thank you, that's really helpful to hear (that sounds really sarcastic but it's not! Sorry I've just woken up)
You're right. I will try to think of how I can nurture my own marriage rather than using my energy to compare with someone else's.

OP posts:
Tresto · 22/07/2023 07:03

Try seven principles of making marriage work by Gottman. It’s one of the best books I have read. Based on fact and studies about marriage. I read it each year 😂

Original poster
SpiralAgain · 22/07/2023 07:03

Hawkins0001 · 21/07/2023 22:59

I can completely almost understand your perspectives op.
My own perspective, I could of achieved the whole family package, but instead made a pickle of things at the time.
Although I did see my ex a couple of weeks back we both locked eyes at each other as we passed at the supermarket

It's mad how one fleeting moment can have such an impact isn't it. Hope you are ok Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
SpiralAgain · 22/07/2023 07:03

Tresto · 22/07/2023 07:03

Try seven principles of making marriage work by Gottman. It’s one of the best books I have read. Based on fact and studies about marriage. I read it each year 😂

Thank you, I will look that up Smile

OP posts:
Tresto · 22/07/2023 07:05

If you enjoy it pass it forward. I’ve recommended it to lots of people - I’m hoping it makes people happier

Hawkins0001 · 22/07/2023 08:52

SpiralAgain · 22/07/2023 07:03

It's mad how one fleeting moment can have such an impact isn't it. Hope you are ok Flowers

Show quote history

As a pickle as it is, I'm happy they built the family unit, and achieved there goals, yea it is odd about a fleeting moment, this fleeting moment, I dunno it seemed different like there was more being said but it's not said if that makes sense, that said with them having the marriage and family unit, figured let the past be the past, at least until they want to talk if they choose to.

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