@biggreenboat
Heya! My kids are 22 months and 4.5. How about yours?
You sound like me the last several years. I thought maybe a vacation or hobbies was my problem.. Or would fix my problem. Didn't really like my job, was burnt out from cosleeping and nursing, just had lost my identity and really was about to snap.
So finally last spring I decided I needed to make changes because I couldn't keep feeling this way. Convinced a friend to book a trip to Cuba with me. Was able to get confirmation of a teaching assignment change for September (in the same school but finally was able to get out of the high needs special Ed unit I had been in that was really dragging me down) . Started making plans to hang out with friends a little bit (with the kids but still, yay for adult interaction). The weather was getting nicer so it was easier to do fun things. Things in life should have been getting better... But when I went on my trip in July I realized loud and clear that the problem was 100% my marriage. I had "fixed" all the things I thought would help, and it only highlighted the issue even more. And this summer was the first time my life that life had really settled down in 6 years.. (I did a masters degree, we had 3 miscarriages before getting pregnant with my first child, then basically 4 years of cosleeping and nursing, a pandemic and I lost my mother to cancer). I was finally on the other side of ALL that, my life should be staring to feel better (minus missing my mom of course which will never go away), but I realized I was the saddest/loneliest I had ever been. Turns out all those big things were a huge distraction from my marriage. Yes I knew my marriage wasn't good (and always knew it wouldn't be forever) but I didn't have time to sit and dwell on it. Suddenly I had a lots of time and a clear head and I remember the moment floating in the ocean clear as anything when I just realized "Oh f@#k." I knew I was in trouble because I suddenly knew that I had hit a realization that I'd never be able to come back from.
So that's basically where I am right now. BUT, you could 100% try the hobbies or the vacation first to see if that would help. However the fact that you are looking at places says a lot.
I think I would be ok for a place to live. My dad has been talking about selling the house in the next couple years so I could buy it from him, possibly like a rent to own situation so I didn't have to get a mortgage on it until we were able to situation our current house sale.
Speaking of my dad, I should say that I think most of the reason I haven't made a move yet (other than the kids), is because not one person in my family, not even my best friend of 25 years that I spent a week on vacation, has any idea what is going on in my marriage. Sure, they wouldn't be shocked if I said it was from his anger issues, although I have worked very hard at keeping the peace when anyone is around, but they absolutely would be shocked if they knew how unhappy I was. I am totally embarrassed and can't bring myself to bring it up because I spent years hiding it. So I'm very insecure of people's reactions and opinions.
Where do you stand in that regard.. Are your marriage issues a secret or are there people who know?