Big argument in front of the kids, feel terrible

[thisbathiscoldnow]

As the title says really, me and DH had a huge row last night in front of the kids (DD 13 and DS 10)

It was over something fairly trivial but it was a straw-that-broke-the-camels-back situation where I'd had enough and flipped at him.

Without derailing the thread and going into huge detail basically a culmination of things that makes me feel like DH doesn't listen to me, and leaves all household admin to me because he works longer hours than me (we both have full time jobs but his hours are slightly longer and he has a longer commute)

Anyway, it's not so much what the argument was about (that's probably a whole other topic!) but just the fact that we were shouting and not very nice to each other.
DD is quite logical and kind of just rolled her eyes and said 'you can't have a go at me and my brother when we argue after that' but DS was quite upset by it.
I took DS to one side and explained it was a silly argument and that we'd make friends again but sometimes adults disagree. I apologised and tried to reassure him. He said he felt scared and worried 😦

Don't really know why I'm posting, I just feel so awful about the whole thing

Tell him that it’s just like when he and his sister fight, and ask him what worries/scares him.

At the end of the day you’re human. I’d speak to your son about the fact that you and DH didn’t manage your disagreement well and how you are going to resolve the issue to prevent future arguments.

It’s life that sometimes things get heated. As a very rare occurrence it’s not going to cause harm to your DS. He’s probably shook because it’s so out of the ordinary. It can be a learning experience for you all about how you move on from
argument, make amends and resolve disagreements.

Thanks. I did explain that we make mistakes too and that we were both tired so didn't handle it very well. DH left the house before anyone else was up this morning so no chance to resolve and I haven't heard from him all day.

@thisbathiscoldnow - please don’t feel
terrible for arguing in front of the kids. You’re human. And actually it’s not helpful for your children to grow up thinking there’s no room for arguments in a marriage/long-term relationship. I remember reading an interview with a woman whose parents always argued in private and away from the children and she commented that it meant she grew up with very little idea about how to resolve differences in relationships and that this had proven to be unhelpful.

My ex-wife used to blow up all the time, often in front of my daughters. I’m a very calm individual always spoke calmly and softly. Often I would leave the room and get chased around the house. Often she was physical to me and objects in the house.
My girls are older now and all remember the arguments and often ask me how I coped.

I never speak badly of her and just say that sometimes people get angry and the best thing to do it be calm and walk away. Tell them you are happy to discuss issues when they have calmed down and want to have a sensible discussion.

I suggest if you feel angry/frustrated again you calmly leave the room and ask for some space. When you have calmed down come to your DH and tell him you want to discuss the issues when he has time. Don’t put him in the spot and don’t demand answers straight away.

Obviously this works both ways. I hope you sorted things out.

Thanks for the replies. No we've not sorted things yet, I finished work at 5pm and had the usual evening routine of feeding kids/ getting them to hobbies etc. DH 'needed space' so went for a 2hr bike ride and is now out with his friends

We don't have blazing rows often but we do bicker a lot. Perhaps more that I realise.