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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Unblock or not

15 replies

backagain999 · 21/07/2023 00:00

Long story short...ex bf of a year all of a sudden broke off our relationship when hungover after a stab do and up to his neck in it and stressed out with multiple small kids on his own. I was being a bit arsey about him not calling or texting from the stag. It was an unceremonious dumping by phone and he was so cold.

I've gone no contact since it happened, didn't ask for any explanation as I felt I'd heard enough. BFF thinks I should unblock him and have a conversation as the whole thing is childish and we should talk it out as we've literally not had a bad day in the whole year, this came out the blue. She says I need an explanation or it'll eat me up and I won't move on. I think I know enough as he dumped me so I need to accept the rejection and move on. It's been two weeks, should I open lines of communication and move on? I don't think I could trust him again so reconciliation unlikely but I do wonder wtf he was thinking. I have nothing bad to say about our relationship which seemed dreamy one day and done the next. What should I do?

I love him dearly but value myself above how he treated me...do also realize we all say things in hast hence my confusion!

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 21/07/2023 00:03

No.

He knows where you are if he wants to apologise.

Bluesheeps · 21/07/2023 00:04

Keep him blocked. In a few weeks you won’t give a shit about these things

Pinkbonbon · 21/07/2023 00:16

You know you best. If you don't need to know more then why bother chasing the issue.

As pps said, leave him blocked, he knows where you are if he wants to talk.

Sometimes out gut tells us exactly what the deal is and there's no need to pursue any fine details.

Original poster

backagain999 · 21/07/2023 00:20

@Bluesheeps I very much hope in a few week I won't give a shit. I suppose I really hope he'll turn up on my doorstep begging forgiveness but the reality is that ain't happening. Why are men such let downs? Even the ones that seem to be good 😔

OP posts:

Bluesheeps · 21/07/2023 00:27

It’s really tough the weeks post breakup, as you’re lonely, sad, grieving, let down etc. it’s so tempting to reach out.
You don’t need to justify it. But you also don’t need an explanation or closure.
I promise each day will get easier and easier and then one day sooner than you expect you’ll realise you’ve gone the whole day without giving him any thought.

Justleaveitblankthen · 21/07/2023 00:37

Multiple small kids?
I'll pass thanks.

solice84 · 21/07/2023 05:28

No
He ended it
He knows where you live if he wanted to make amends, clearly he doesn't
Move on

Original poster

backagain999 · 21/07/2023 07:19

@solice84 I agree with you but she made me doubt myself... you're absolutely right

OP posts:

SpringleDingle · 21/07/2023 07:22

No, keep your dignity in tact. He knows where you live if he wants you. The urge to call will pass but it might take time, just stick with it!

NoDatingFor0ldMen · 21/07/2023 07:23

backagain999 · 21/07/2023 00:20

Why are men such let downs? Even the ones that seem to be good

If he was stressed out & you were being an arse, he was almost certainly thinking exactly the same thing about you TBH.

mangochops · 21/07/2023 07:24

You dont need an explanation to get closure- his behaviour IS the closure. Besides, usually people give limp excuses for shitty behaviour like this. Unless you're his therapist you'll probably never know what his internal justifications are. Move on.

Original poster

backagain999 · 21/07/2023 15:47

@NoDatingFor0ldMen well tbh I was probably being harsh on myself there as I made a valid point about him saying he'd call then not doing it, which he did apologise for. I was being a pain in his ass but calmly and diplomatically raising something that I felt needed addressed and he agreed it was shitty.

OP posts:

tribpot · 21/07/2023 15:56

I wonder why your friend seems to be pushing you to reopen lines of communication?

BFF thinks I should unblock him and have a conversation as the whole thing is childish ... she says I need an explanation or it'll eat me up and I won't move on

That's up to you, isn't it? It doesn't sound as if you need this conversation. You've decided reconciliation is unlikely anyway, you want to accept it and move on.

It also doesn't sound as if you were being a pain in his ass. You were raising concerns, which you're allowed to do in a relationship. Feels more like you've been conditioned to think standing up for yourself is 'nagging'.

Time to move on.

Iwishmymumwouldbemymum · 21/07/2023 16:09

OP I think you are exactly right. You have your standards about how you expect to be treated and he didn't meet them.

Of course you miss him, you were mad about him.

You would give him a chance if he showed up full of remorse and apologies but that doesn't mean you have to pursue his explanation.

I wouldn't message him under any circumstances. He knows how to contact you. You could unblock if you like but don't entertain any conversations not leading with an apology and explanation.

It sounds like something went awry on the stag to me and he had a kneeejerk "I didn't want to be with you anyway" response.

WhatADrabCarpet · 21/07/2023 18:16

I skipped after you said multiple kids.

You will just be the next incubator for him until he moves on as he clearly doesn't want to stick around for parenthood.

Why would you subject yourself to this? Are you really so desperate?

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