what do you do with your resentment? and what's it's effects on you?

[weightstrugglinmum]

I'm pondering this whilst I was pegging out the washing at 11.30pm tonight, (whilst everyone else is asleep), because I won't have time in the morning, and despite getting up well before everyone else too. Knowing the morning will be really full on, whilst husband swans around with his leisurely coffee.

I feel like I work really hard at trying to practice gratitude, and let go of resentment towards husband, but one comment, look, or action from him, just sends me back into resentment mode. Its like 1 step forwards, 3 steps back.

This has built up over a good number of years now, and the consequences? I have no want really for any closeness or intimacy with him, and I've gained loads of weight because I'm eating my feelings, and I'm so tired, I crave sugar constantly.

So whilst I'm about to wake my oldest up to have his medication (has to have this every 6 hours on the dot), and will probably get to bed about 1am, I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts and wisdom!

It's not about you managing your (legitimate) feelings of resentment it's about him pulling his weight.

How did your dh not pulling his weight for so many years? Are you SAHM and things have fallen into this pattern?

Resentment is corrosive. Sex is the first thing to go.

I was so resentful for so long - ex H treated me like an appliance, everything was tit for tat, he would explode at me if I bagged him to help. I was exhausted and angry all the time. We both worked at equivalent jobs.

I ended the marriage in November - it has been hard but when you have been doing everything by yourself, ironically you are very well trained for single parenthood. Have also lost a shit ton of weight (mainly bc I hardly drink any more) and so many people have commented on how much happier I seem. Just being free of his moods and my resentment of him has lifted a literal and metaphorical weight.

Thank you for your responses, they've made me think. Yes I was a SAHM but now I work part time. Its not just about domestic stuff though I've reaslised. It's broader comments or actions, probably contributing to the resentment pool even more. I have so many examples I could fill in here, but buying me a bottle of wine when I'd just had a miscarriage, or telling me my priorities were wrong because I was looking after a baby, not boiling up a chicken to make stock, are just two or many examples of what contributes to my resentment.

Thank you @Endoftheroad12345
I have often contemplated a life without him, and what you mentioned about doing everything on your own anyway, really resonates, and makes me quite sad. I've realised how selfish he is too, for example, kids would love to go to a centreparcs type holiday, predominantly for the swimming pools/waterparks, he would never go, and so they miss out, until they are old enough and I can take them on my own. He would just never suck it up for them.

Have you spoken to him? That would probably be the first step if not

Counselling ?
Leaving him
Stop doing stuff
Work full time ?