Dh got a new job and didn't tell me

[MerryMarigold]

I'm feeling a bit hurt but also I'm quite ill today (just a temp/ cough) so feeling a bit fragile.

Dh has been looking for a job for a while. He's got a good job but just wanted to move up the ladder a bit. He hasn't been successful for more than a year, although not applied to masses of places in that time, and several didn't happen because they decided they weren't hiring.

Anyway, today he told me he got a job yesterday. He's really thrilled 😁. But I didn't know he'd applied, or had 2 interviews, or even that he'd been offered it (yesterday). I have been pretty sick so that could explain yesterday but to have been unaware of the whole process, the first and second interviews etc. It just feels very weird.

I will talk to him (not today) but I think he will get a bit defensive and feel like I'm raining on his parade. So, do people think what he did is fine, or should I talk to him and say I felt really hurt and excluded?

I didn’t tell anyone when I applied for a new job. I’d had lots of rejections after final interviews and got all excited / discussed them with people. This time I didn’t tell a soul including my DP, and if I didn’t get it I didn’t want to have to discuss it just put it behind me

This.

And all those who have said similar.

It's not about you, OP.

100%. I had to apply for jobs after being made redundant and it was tough having to be positive after the blow of redundancy. Totally normal to want to keep the process of job-finding private to avoid further knocks if you don’t get the job. Have some empathy.

Contrary to some responses, it IS - partly - about you. You've been 'quite ill … bit fragile … pretty sick'. He knew this, and he protected you.

You were kept free from any anxiety and possible disappointment around the whole business, after a year of disappointment, while you were dealing with illness.

And it was about him - how it feels to be unfulfilled at work, to be looking for better for a year, with no luck. Feeling a failure, a let down, unwanted. It's soul-dragging.

Being ill can mess with your head - you may not be quite yourself at the moment. So be pleased and proud and appreciative of his success and his consideration for you.

All best to him, I hope he loves it!