Adore partner but have obsessive, constant thoughts doubting love

[throwawayjacc]

Hi everyone,

Wondering if anyone here has had similar experiences or advice on the below.
I (M30s) have been with my lovely fiancee (F30s) for four years now. I love her very much. This is the best relationship I've had and I care for and love her more than any partner I've had before. We have fun and I feel safe and secure with her and there isn't anyone I'd rather be with. Honestly, the thought of being with someone else or spending life with someone else feels alien.

However, despite all that I have these obsessive, chronic intrusive thoughts doubting my love for her or the depth of my love. And when I say chronic, I mean chronic. I obsess all day for hours a day. Arguing with myself mentally, listing out all the times I have felt 'love'. It makes me incredibly anxious and I feel horribly guilty and ashamed and I feel like I'm somehow lying to her. It makes me withdraw from the relationship and I struggle at work etc constantly trapped in my own head. Thing is the thoughts don't really feel like 'me'. It's hard to explain.

I have had these anxious thoughts in every relationship I've been in over the past decade. Constant worries about their feelings for me, or constant worries about my feelings for them. I've seen several therapists and each one has chalked this up to OCD. However, it's hard to accept that as OCD itself is a doubting disease.

I'm just really worried. I want these thoughts to go and I'm terrified that they're true. I just want to have a happy life together and give her the best life possible. I really don't want to someday realise that they're true and I'm not in love and we have to breakup. I don't want to be with anyone else.

Hi, this sounds like rOCD or relationship OCD.

My husband has this exact problem too. The best thing is cognitive behaviour therapy to sort of retrain your thinking process. It helps you to understand that the thoughts aren't going to go away entirely, intrusive thoughts are normal, but it helps you sort of turn the volume down on them so you sort of stop obsessing so much over it.

If you go on Facebook there is a group called rODC advice and support. There's some helpful stuff there.

Definitely ODC I’ve just found out I have it to always asking for reassurance and worrying all the time it’s truly draining but I’ve started meditation and starting talking therapy you could maybe look into this best of luck I’ve had lots of good advice on here it’s helped me so much

Intrusive thoughts suck
really bad !
they are pernicious - and a psychotherapist will go back to your childhood and explore how and when you learnt to think this way

something will be behind this

I had this last year and anti-anxiety medication has done wonders for me. It has switched off the rumination completely and I've been able to revert back to my happy place in my 20 year relationship. I think a move unsettled me and triggered it.