Divorcing a narcissist - the lies?

[MooPointCowsOpinion]

I’m really keen to speak to someone who has divorced a narcissist who lied a lot during the court processes for residency orders, child custody cases, divorce proceedings; in the hearings and on legal signed paperwork.

Is there any comeuppance for the blatant lying eventually? Is contempt of court a thing? What happens when the evidence is looked at properly and the judge/solicitors all see that there was deliberate lying?

My soul is telling me good should win over evil but my current experience is telling me that the evil liar is just going to get away with all of it.

I've never divorced a narcissist, however I listened to a really great podcast recently around how to spot a narcissist, and the speaker talked about her own marriage breakdown and divorce from a narcissist which you may find useful

shows.cadence13.com/podcast/wcdht/episodes/e98d4f92-8194-42c8-82a2-1c7b1f2aa97a

Thank you both, I am getting the book and listening to all the podcasts!

Is contempt of court a thing? What happens when the evidence is looked at properly and the judge/solicitors all see that there was deliberate lying?

Sadly it doesn't tend to happen. Best advice to take on board is "Court isn't about justice, it's just about following the law"

I didn't know what ex was until we divorced and saw the extent of his lies..made me realise I didn't know him at all.

Ime courts want to process cases quickly, solicitors want to put together vast bundles as it pays more plus they don't want to be accused of neglecting anything, which I understand. If your ex can lie about events, money or your character then the instinct is to defend yourself...meanwhile you are not getting your case across. It's an highly effective strategy.

I genuinely never ever believed Ex would lie to a court and sign off documents that he knew to be untrue. My family & friends read some of the stuff and couldn't believe he was lying so blatantly since most could be easily disproved but family court isn't like a TV show..it's a judge sitting in his suit, at a table, bored of the cases so skims the information and make a decision based usually 50/50 on the financial information your ex will willingly declare.

Thats good advice thank you. He has no money, no job, I don’t understand how he seems to be winning at any case but it really does seem like he can just say whatever he wants and a judge doesn’t have to discern the truth at all!

It's so debilitating op. I'm so sorry. No. There is no justice. I've spent so much. He spends more. He lies and says the most terrible things. In our community he's been rumbled. In the eyes of the court he's a Dad who wants a relationship with his children. I wouldn't waste money on court. Give him what he's due. Let youf children have the opportunity to work it out. It's a he'll.

So sorry @coodawoodashooda its so awful isn’t it. Interestingly he put a very good case (full of lies) and the judge didn’t give him what he was asking for this week. The judge has also reserved the case to himself for the next hearing so let’s hope we have someone on our side.
i keep telling myself he’s already lost, all of the kids hate him. The friends/family will soon see, and he will end up alone and broke because he doesn’t know economy or kindness. But I do worry about his next victim.

Hi @MooPointCowsOpinion , I am currently divorcing a narcassist. The lies and projection onto me are insane.
I am wondering what happened with your divorce in the end? If you don't mind updating, it would be good to know if you got your fair share and if he leaves you alone now?
Thanks

I divorced and my ex was a compulsive liar, he got caught out in the family court as when he lied he expected everyone to "just believe him" and when asked for the letters etc to back up his lies - he didn't have them and it was so cringe worthy watching him squirm. Needless to say he didn't get what he wanted and it was settled to what I had offered and suggested in the first place - so waste of his time going to court

I divorced narcissist. Honestly I was just grateful to still be alive . Think of the bigger picture. In the future who will be sitting around your table on important celebrations. Your kids and future grandchildren. They won't be with him . Think of the mental peace . That calm feeling . Wishing you luck