Mum in 60s forgetting conversations

[HettyMeg]

My mum (late 60s) keeps forgetting phone conversations.

For a while she has forgotten things I've told her, which I just put down to getting older.

That has changed to completely forgetting entire phone conversations (both lasting around 30 minutes).

There is an alcohol element. Both times have been when I can tell she has been drinking. She will have wine in the evenings to unwind. She has forgotten important things mentioned in these conversations and the fact we have spoken at all.

She also has recurring issues with her balance and feeling unstable in her legs that GP put down to a vitamin deficiency. Now I'm worried it is something worse.

I plan to raise this with her when I next see her (she lives a few hours away). Any advice for doing so.

I suspect she's an alcoholic and either her use of alcohol is making her unsteady on her feet or there's something else at play and she's self-medicating with alcohol. For example, she may have had TIAs or a stroke. If she drinks a lot she may not be eating properly. Does she live alone? Does she smoke?

This is all likely to be due to her alcohol dependency; I am so sorry but there is nothing you can do to help her. Unless she herself decides she wants help talking to her about any aspect of her drinking will be about as effective an action as peeing in the ocean. You can only help your own self ultimately and I would inform her GP about these latest physical and mental developments.

You also need firm and consistently applied boundaries here re your mother; you cannot afford to be sucked into her world.

@WeAreTheHeroes she lives alone, doesn't smoke. Doesn't eat particularly well or particularly badly - has a lot of the same meals, some of which are ready meals but will usually add salad etc. But usually skips lunch and/or breakfast.

@AttilaTheMeerkat how do you go about speaking to another person's GP?She would be absolutely infuriated if she found out and I thought it wouldn't be permitted as a general rule?

Re the boundaries: yes, I do. I've been used as emotional support and continually pulled in and pushed away over the years. I feel like my life does not matter to her when we speak, the conversations all tend to be negative and / or focused on her life.

You can raise concerns about a friend or relative's health with their GP without their consent, but because of patient confidentiality, the GP will not be able to discuss any details.

Sounds like there is a problem there,
But check how her hearing is .I hate talking on the phone cos I miss parts of the convo and just try to bluff it.
But it's a real struggle and I don't always get it right

@AttilaTheMeerkat I could give it a go. I guess I just wonder how much it will help because she rarely goes to the GP at all, it would need to be them contacting her to get her in for more tests.

without knowing how much alcohol she drinks, it's hard to say. she could have a thiamine deficiency due to alcohol excess...

the other possibility is lewy body dementia...

depending on whether this is a sudden or gradual change... many other possibilities

either way, GP involvement needed