Anyone else here who had to make peace with the fact that love and relationship just isin’t in the cards for you?

[RiskItAllForHappiness]

How did you do it?
How did you find peace and happiness in being single?
And this for those who don’t have children, how do you except you’re not loved, this one is slowly killing me.
And how do you deal when you see couple, or when people go on and on about their relationships. Or ask about your dating life, how do I deal with the shame that no one wants me, I get so embarrassed in these situations!

How old are you OP?

Yes. I did. I found friends and hobbies and just made sure i did all the things i wanted to do and forged a life for myself that didn't require or revolve around meeting a man. I didn't care that other people were in relationships - they had their lives and I had mine.

And then I met someone. We're moving in together over the summer.

Yes!!!!! I think I am done! Not even 40 yet but I just cannot see it happening.

Oh whoops sorry I did not read the part about children. I am sorry. Have you tried therapy around this? I can think of a few things to say but they wil probably cause more upset than be helpful (because without having experienced it its very easy to say the wrong thing when trying to be "helpful".)

Just ‘cos you’ve got kids doesn’t mean they’ll love you.
Take no notice if those who big up their relationships. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Be your own person. Learn to love yourself. Build on your talents and get yourself out there. Being in a relationship can bring a whole load of strife.
Life turns on a sixpence. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

I just meant that life is very different re: kids vs. not.
And they will grow, and most people stay in touch with their parents, so the worries are very, very different.

I have worked on loving myself for years, it kind of ebbs and flows, it’s just hard to do it all on your own.
Just reading here, you can see how someone’s partner has been ’off’ for few hours/days and they are alreasy worried about not being lived/cared for.
So, I don’t think it’s that crazy to sometimes find it hard to love oneself, after decades of being alone.

If it hurts it hurts, I’m not sure you can stop feeling hurt in some situations. I’ve got huge childhood issues I struggle with but I do have children, doesn’t mean I don’t suffer with terrible shame. I would try and re-frame the no one wants me. Currently you’ve not met anyone, perhaps that’s because you haven’t wanted them. You just have to get up and get out to places and do things you like doing and maybe your circumstances will change.

I understand the having to do it all alone. I’ve gone through an awful lot alone, it’s not made me stronger like people aways say I’ve just had no choice. I guess you just need to find some hope, it’s all we really can have. In the meantime do things you like to do, even if that’s alone because you never know.

OP this resonates with me. It's not just not having a partner/relationship it's not having literally anyone. Friends are one thing, but you get to an age - I am mid 50s where you feel so alone. I have no children and most of my friends do, they have lunch with them, hear stories about their lives, drag them off to the cinema.. I was meant to meet a friend at the weekend who cancelled because their daughter was coming over impromptu...

They have circles of friends met through their children's education.
I was sick last week and couldn't get a glass of water.... that's the reality.
I have some great friends but obviously their own families will come first..

I try and avoid walking in the evening because I feel so sad seeing all the couples out having dinner etc. I think if you're not truly alone you don't understand even if you think you do.

Yes, livefife, being childless one is actually totally alone.
And everyone is thinking/dealing/talking pretty much only about kids and family and relationships, so I feel extra lonely and out of place.

I think it's quite noticeable at the weekend...I honestly have friends who want to meet up because their husbands are away....right so that's my weekend every weekend.

Don't think your life now will be the same in 2, 5, 15 years time. Life throws curveballs and some are very positive. You don't have to resign yourself to anything.

How old are you?