at the end of my tether

[newmummy27]

my son was born in November, i have posted a couple of times since then, i do have PND but i feel it is being made worse because of the relationship with my husband and mother. i have never felt so alone and isolated in the whole of my life. i feel i cant say what i feel for fear of being shouted at. i have to keep everything inside and it is making me ill. physically i feel like there is a weight in my chest. in some ways i just want him to leave. the lack of talking and the seriousness and lack of response is something that no human being should have to put up with. i feel like i truly hate him right now. yet this morning i felt like i loved him. i have no help, no-one is interested in me, no ings, no-one comes around. i dont feel like i can take it much longer. the only thing that keeps me going is my son.

i am going to a baby massage class tomorrow. my memory is bad, i cant concentrate and i seem very able to put a good front on and almost convince myself sometimes i am ok. then it goes bad again

newmummy I wish i could help, my sister was poorly with it and I felt so helpless with her too, that's the only thing that gives me a tiny insight

it's hard enough having babies even without pnd, i wish i could give you some warm and useful words like jools and k

are the evenings the hardest and the mornings the best times?

Stuffitllama - your kind words are helping...I am sure of that!!! That is what MN is all about....

Hang on in there, it will get easier.

Am off to bed soon but will check on this thread in the morning.....

Take care. Will say a prayer for you tonight....

the thing is k999, i am looking after the baby ok, it is the relationships i am struggling with and feeling so isolated, although i do get strange feelings sometimes about our baby. i think, does he know who i am? what is he thinking? is he going to blame me when he is older? i think i feel so insecure i dont want anyone else to be with him incase he loves and likes them more

newmummy...you need to talk to someone who knows what you are going through (who has been there themselves) over a cup of tea or something. Try the national childbirth trust (NCT) as they normally have local branches and most local branches have a PND group who meet to support each other and you will get to know other new mums who are probably feeling just as confused and not sure who to talk to, and I don't think men can understand it as most people assume yuo will be overjoyed to have a baby but I felt like I was being emotionally and physically drained all the time and DH and childless friends just looked blank when I tried to explain, you need some one who can support you and is not wanting something from you.
Sympathy with mum being so difficult.

a specific pnd group sounds really good

Aww honey! I really do think men and women don't really go well together sometimes!! Maybe its wrong, but I've learned that there are things dh is good at, and there are things I need my female friends for!! I know other people probably have really tuned-in blokes, but I have the old-fashioned clumsy kind!! I don't think they understand what it's like for women when they have a baby! That rush of dizzying love, and just behind it that wave of fear! I know with all ours, dh has only really bonded with them as they get bigger, whereas I love them so much its scary!! Such big overwhelming feelings, and that's without pnd and all the hormonal chaos! The best advice I can give is to go out and make some mummy-friends. it is really hard at first. I joined apost-natal exercise class, with the premise that if I didn't make any mates, at least I'd feel better about myself, physically! I took a deep breath and stuck my neck out and SPOKE to someone at the class, then we went for coffee, then more peolpe joined us, and now we have a lovely crowd, which grows all the time, 4 years later. I know it seems daunting, but I felt exhilerated when I started meeting people I could relate to, although I felt horribly awkward at first!! Even if you can't face that, you have us cyber- mates!

thanks, am feeling a little calmer. i will come back tomorrow, am going to get a glass of wine x

See you tomorrow- I am off to ogle the boys in Prison Break. Jx

How are you feeling today NewMummny????

hi newmummy how's things

hi Stuffit....how are you??

hi k999 i'm fine thanks for asking and thanks for kind words earlier

glad to be away from all that argy-bargy going on here yesterday....

(i mean not here here but with all the trolling and arguments going on elsewhere)

I know what you mean.....sometimes I cant help myself though....