Hello everyone, really just looking to vent and see other people perspectives on my situation. Without going into too much detail, I will post below some of the issues I have with my dp and some things that have happened:
he has told me often I don’t dress ‘sexy’ etc and even shown me women online at the gym in tiny shorts and asked me to buy those shorts. Yesterday I wore an average pair of gym shorts to the gym, he told me I look ‘hoey’ and should respect myself as a mother and that he doesn’t want me to dress like that again…
after returning from the gym he questions me on if any males have tried to talk to me or say hello (I don’t speak to anyone) he then asks if any male tried to smile at me too
For the past 5 years now his phone has been hidden from me. I don’t know his password and if I were to walk in the room where his phone is he will run to grab it.
we cannot follow eachother on social media (particularly Instagram). He has had me blocked there for 5 years now.
he never posts me, even when we go on family days out etc he will post the kids and himself and I am always left out of it.
He never texts me. The only time I receive a text from him is when he’s telling me to do something (eg cook something before he gets home or chore etc) - he messages other women via Instagram and WhatsApp everyday. His excuse is that it’s ‘business’ and they are just clients, but this has been happening for years. Yesterday I saw him on his dms and there were atleast 30 different female accounts he was talking to. This also bothers me as he is able to text other females but never me.
He doesn’t give me any attention. I understand he works hard but he never shows me any attention, doesn’t check in on me in the day, doesn’t talk to me unless it’s talking about himself/his day or something that he wants to talk about. He never makes me feel special. I don’t remember the last time he ever called me pretty or beautiful.
He doesn’t make time for me. He had made a lot of effort for my birthday and Valentine’s Day however, on a day to day basis he doesn’t make time for me. I have asked for a his help in something in particular for just 1 hour where he works, and he has not done it for me yet. However he posts with other females (clients) and has managed to fit them into his calendar and help them…
I am constantly lonely. I spend every day by myself, or with our children. Even when he is home I don’t receive the love or attention I want. I am always by myself and it really hurts my feelings.
Now the last part… 2 weeks ago he told me I need to get an std test. This was very out of the blue and unexpected, Ofcourse I questioned why I would need to since we have been together so long? He refused to answer me but Ofcourse it’s obvious why. I did the test - negative. Now yesterday he keeps telling me to do the test again… when he says it he laughs like it is a joke. The first time he said he only told me to do it as a joke. Now this time I don’t know if he’s serious or not.
every day I feel so insecure, I feel as though I am always in competition with other women. Regardless of all of this, he ensures me often that I am the ‘best woman ever’ and how much he loves me and that he will marry me one day no doubt.
I feel like I’m being dragged along until he’s ready to settle down? Which should have been many years ago when we first got engaged/had children! I feel like I’ve become desensitised to some of these issues so it would be helpful to hear other peoples perspectives.