Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Adult Stepson with mental heath issues

7 replies

Superdooperal · 19/07/2023 12:43

My adult stepson has a lot of problems with his physical and mental health. He has type 1 diabetes and is not averse to using it to engineer stays in hospital if he faces a crisis, ehe spitting up with a girlfriend. My husband has not been in particularly good health over the last 3 years. His son is on benefits but seems unable to manage the basics of living. He says he is about to be evicted by the council after less than a month in his new flat (apparently didn't check his post box for 2 weeks or his email)and has been constantly asking for several hundred pounds since 6 am this morning to pay his "rent" .He can't produce any evidence that he about to be evicted and has he has lived in the fat for less than a month think this is odd. he says he should have taken action on some correspondence sent to him a few days after moving in but didn't see it. We went to see him, he shouted at my husband and called the police on us after we refused to leave because he had threatened to kill himself. Once he was in the hands of the police we left. We just don't know what to do. Going down the court of protection route looks expensive and difficult, but each time we say to a health professional there is more here than meets the eye, we get told he is an adult and has to ask for help himself. I am worried about my husband because of the constant harassment for money or "work" (he is on PIP so allowed a certain level of earnings). Does anyone know of an organisation where we can get help and advice? BTW - we don't think he is facing eviction, yet, but think the current crisis is caused by owing money for drugs. This has gone on for 10 years.

OP posts:
PussInBin20 · 19/07/2023 13:10

I think you should both take a step back and leave him to it. He sounds horrid and if he won’t seek help what can you do? Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Why should your DH be made ill for his son’s choices?

All the while you bail him out, he isn’t taking responsibility for himself. Maybe this is the jolt he needs.

Daleksatemyshed · 19/07/2023 13:22

If he's diabetic and has MH problems than the last thing he needs is to be
taking drugs and a £600 debt to his dealer suggests he's being taking quite a lot. It's tragic for your DH but your SS is an adult and you can't force him to stop

Thistlelass · 20/07/2023 04:29

If you know from which council or housing association he has rented his flat, that is who I would be phoning for starters. Outline your worries and request a Housing Officer establishes contact with him to assess his need for support.

Tinkerbyebye · 20/07/2023 07:10

Just keep saying you can’t help/don’t have the money on repeat

he is old enough to stand on his own two feet and is trying to manipulate you both

Hibiscrubbed · 20/07/2023 12:08

I think you should both cut him off. Save yourselves. Nothing you’ve been doing of helping him, so don’t bother.

CalistoNoSolo · 20/07/2023 12:45

He's an adult. His decisions, his consequences to deal with. Back away and don't give him any money.

Curledupwithabook · 20/07/2023 20:32

Not defending his actions in any way, but fwiw it's entirely possible for him to be in arrears if he's recently moved into a council or HA property, because of the way benefits are paid (in arrears, and if a new claim was required then not awarding the benefit from the date the tenancy starts) If he's a new tenant he'll be on probation for the first year and can be evicted quite easily.
That said, most council or HA tenants are assumed to be vulnerable in some respects (no criticism, just that by nature people usually have to be in difficult circs or have some additional needs in order to qualify for a property in the first place) and housing officers are there for a reason!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread