Long Distance Relationships - Success or Disaster?

[BetteDavisEyes11]

Interested to hear views on long distance relationships, can they work?

Ive been in one for about 6 months but it can be difficult to navigate, especially if any issues crop up and we can’t see eachother - then there is a feeling of unease. I tend to not really raise anything as I don’t want to be creating problems I can’t resolve in person.

Pointless unless one of you eventually moves, as it is sustainable forever . There has to be a mutual goal . Otherwise just treat it as a fling until someone more available comes along

Didn’t work for me. The end game was he was supposed to come and live with me but he changed his mind and didn’t tell me that he wanted to stay where he was. If you have a shared plan and you feel in your gut that he’s not focused on it, listen to your gut.

I'm married to mine. He is wonderful and I'm extremely glad I carried on. But it was very hard. I never doubted him, sometimes the situation. If you're doubting him, it may not be a goer.

We did it over many timezones as well so I'd get in from a night out drunk, call him before work! Poor man.

Over a decade married now.

Depends I guess on how long distance. 2 hours drive? 2 hours flight?

It’s a couple of hours drive, I don’t mind driving so that’s not the issue but we both have busy schedules and commitments so can’t see eachother as much as we would like to.

You need a feasible plan, with a timescale.

Then you also need to factor in, does the person/both of you have family and friends they will be leaving behind? If so, how is that going to feel 10 years down the line? Will that person miss their support network, for example if children come along.
Also, is employment realistic in the new location.
Basically will either person come to resent what they have given up?

We had one, and you have to work very hard to ensure you're seeing enough of each other. It happened when we were married too, he worked away Mon-Fri for quite a long time.

Been together 40 years, and he's home all the time now. Thank goodness.

I'm in one. It's been a year and it's getting harder. He had to go abroad for work (couldn't find job here after pandemic) and he's basically wfh long hours over there in a little flat. I trust him completely, we've been together 8 years. We talk/facetime every day but we can't make plans. It feels like everything's on hold. We're just basically living parallel lives at the moment. He did have an end date but they've extended his contract twice now so I don't know when. He wants to come back, he's sick of it now! But I think we'll have to wait and see how his job goes for a bit now as he's earning good money but the job market in his industry is better over there than it is here.

Have you met him in person yet? If so how often have you seen each other in the 6 months?
You get feelings of unease anyway in the early days. You're trying to show only your best sides.

I couldn't do it unless i was madly in love and knew that you could live in the same place in time.

We typically see each other every few weeks and have from the start, but soon we will have a period where we likely won’t see eachother for a bit. We talk every day.

If we were to move in together in the future it’s a significant way off (years)

I am in the same boat and we see eachother twice/3x a week, we alternate driving. He also works 60 hours so its pretty impressive really. The distance doesn't seem that much tbh, its 2 hour drive. Not sure I would want more atm. How come you are not seeing each other more?

I have made it work but only because 6-months in, I was able to be based with them every other week. Also a 2-hour drive and me with a job that can be done from home. If we hadn't have been able to spend most of our time together, it wouldn't have worked to be honest. Every few weeks is not enough for me and I have a busy life and job, so it's not as if my life is empty. But I need my core relationship to be a constant.

We both have children from previous relationships so childcare and different work schedules means meeting can be difficult during the week. We both make lots of effort and want it to work so we are definitely aligned on that front.

Was in long distance relationship for over 6 years before we married and moved in together. We were 2 hours away by train, 3 hours door to door and typically spent 3 out of 4 weekends together and went on holidays together after 6 months of going out together. It wasn't always easy though we spoke on phone/texted nearly every day and I think in hindsight the nature of our relationship kept things v fresh and prolonged our honeymoon period.

By the time we moved in together 6 years down the line we were v used to each other's routines and habits, and whilst it would have been nicer to have made the move earlier circumstances (round job, etc) didn't permit this and it didn't harm our relationship long term. I do see some couples who moved things along too quick too soon though also know of couples who have lived for years in different continents and that wouldn't work for me either!

It worked for us. I lived just outside London, he lived at the very top of North Wales. We met whenever either of us had time (typically 3/4 days together every two weeks or so). This continued for a couple of years, till his job relocated closer to me, so he moved in.

Thanks everyone, good to hear it can work out well if both put in the mutual time 😊

Think I need to relax a little more!

Dh and I were an 11 hour flight apart for the majority of the time we were dating. We’d fly to see each other every few months for a few weeks at a time. I only moved to live with him 3 months before we got married. That was 12 years ago. We were happy back then and still very happy now.

I would say though that the first 6 months of a relationship are the really easy fun days. I can’t honestly say we had many disagreements that needed ‘resolving’ at that stage. Yes, he might have done something that mildly annoyed me. But I can only really remember one argument before we lived together and that was maybe 1.5-2 years in. I think if it’s hard to resolve issues that come up simply because of the distance, you may not find it much easier living together in the same place either.

But yes, LDR absolutely can work, but it has to be a healthy good relationship and you both have to be fully in it with a view to the future.

We are 24 hours travel time apart 😱 obviously opposite time zones and due to work and children (for both of us), it will be a few years before we can live together.

I utterly love him and have total trust and confidence in him. We first met as 17 years olds in the 90’s(!) and reconnected after I came out of a pretty awful marriage. My relationship with DP is nothing like my
marriage to my exH, I feel emotionally safe in a way I never felt before. It has been like coming home to a warm house after being outside freezing in the snow.

The LDR thing is hard but it also frees me to focus on my kids and my career. I miss him a lot but we both know this is it, forever - so a few years of commuting 18000km is nothing in the scheme of things 🤪😂

Same sadly