Never thought I’d be here

[Letsrunabath]

Just before going to bed my husband said we aren’t close any more!! We have been married 30 years nice easy life, have had no problems, brought up a couple of kids who are finding their way. I’m absolutely gutted as here I am not able to sleep and he’s snoring away upstairs.
wonder if this is the start of a mid life crisis for him or does he think it’s ok to say this then act as if everything is ok in the morning. I can’t believe he’s sleeping after saying that.
Yes we don’t do much together anymore but that’s his choice, I still meet up with girlfriends for meals, lunch and drinks still keep in contact with old work colleagues and school friends so am very social, he has 2 very close friends who I like and mix with so it’s not that we live separate social lives. I keep fit, he doesn’t but I stopped talking about his weight 6 months ago purposefully as he never listened to me.
I don’t know what I want from this thread but am very confused.

I’m so sorry to read this, I can imagine that your head is all over the place. Think very carefully about what you want and what’s best for you. Put yourself first and make some plans. After dropping that bombshell make sure that he can’t just carry on in the morning like he’s not said anything. Cheeky fucker, saying that and then sleeping like a baby. 💐

Perhaps you could ask him what he wants

Some people are not good at communicating

What does he want to do for the rest of the year ?

Do you plan things to do together ?
Hobbies
Holidays
Days out
Sex / romance
Retirement
Do you both still work
Move to new location
Spur of the moment ideas

Thank you, I’m at a loss what tomorrow brings after his announcement.
I’ll bring these topics up.

Cheeky fucker, saying that and then sleeping like a baby.

But maybe he's been thinking like this for a long time so why would it affect his sleep. He probably thinks the op already think the same. They do, from what she says, have different approaches to life.

When you've been together a long time, it's easy to slide into a rut or the marriage to become a bit stale. With your children grown, maybe this is a good time to re-evaluate what you both want in the future and hopefully make some plans of things to look forward to.

I'm really sorry to hear this. My husband said the same thing to me about six months ago. We have been together decades too. It hasn't ended well for us Im afraid. What he claims he wants isn't possible. As PP have said work out what you want then talk to him. I hope it works out for you both.

Thank you for your responses, I’m going to try and get some sleep.
I don’t want to ignore what he’s said as that’s not going to sort anything, obviously there are issues that need addressed, I just want awar😢

There will most likely be OW waiting on the sidelines. I'm sorry OP but it's very likely in fact I'd put money on it.

She might not appear immediately but she will.
Protect yourself, he is no longer on your side. Get your ducks in a row, a shit hot solicitor and gwt all financial documents ASAP.

If that's all he said I wouldn't see it at that bad? Just something that needs changing?

Does he mean sex? Do you have a sex life?

No he doesn’t mean sex, we still have a sex life.

He’s now saying he didn’t mean we have nothing in common, back peddling to we must do more together.
He wanted to talk this morning but I’ve said no, as I’m sleep deprived and upset and might say something I later regret. He’s gone to work and I’m out this evening so at least we will both have time to reflect.
I really don’t think there is an OW, he’d be mad to play that game at this stage in our lives as he has a massive pension and assets that I would be entitled to half.