Why is his job more important?

[FEEDMEalwaysHungry]

My partner works as a driver, sometimes 12 hr shifts, sometimes can be away for few days at a time.
I work 30 hrs as a support worker for people with complex needs.
He keeps making comments about how he's tired because he's been away all week/ working all day... when I say I've been working too, he says things like you couldn't do my job and is dismissive of mine.
I said I run the house too and look after 3 kids. How does he think food gets into the cupboards? The food fairy? Or washing gets done etc.
I tried to speak to him the other day and said I'm hurt by his comments, that he doesn't value or appreciate what I do in the house and after finally getting a job, I'm proud of myself.
He said he was only joking and I take things too seriously. It's not a competition but I don't feel like respects what I do.
Don't know the point of this post just sat stewing on things.

In your place I'd tell him all of the above and that if he feels too overwhelmed by his job he maybe should consider a career change. Seriously, if he feels more tired than you working in demanding job AND taking sole responsibility for the household and kids then it sounds like he cant handle his job either

It's not.
But society used to think it was (as well as undervaluing domestic work) and old attitudes die hard.
I notice no one in my family gives a stuff about my promotions (but are always praising my parenting and expecting me to offer care) that's the box they have me in. My brother gets the opposite, although he's more up for offering to help them and very good dad.

He was supportive of me getting a job but he doesn't really take an interest in what I do, how was work etc.
I just feel like I don't stop, where as when he comes in from work he's sat on his arse on his phone.
I'm going away soon and to be honest I'm looking forward to seeing how he's gonna manage around the house .

So you got a job, but you still do all the housework and childcare? He’s a lazy, entitled misogynist who thinks his job is harder purely because he has a penis.

Why do men treat women like this? Because we let them.

Tell him to pull his weight or he'll find himself single with the kids 50% of the time.

This is no time to be gentle. Misogyny needs stamping on, and hard.

He needs to keep making these little comments to remind you of your respective places, “ME MAN, ME BIG JOB” 😂 he’s getting it in there jokingly as he is actually worried he may have to step up at home now too bless him.

Men cannot be expected to work and then have to come home and do woman’s work aswell you know, silly old us thinking it was 2023…

I just feel like I don't stop, where as when he comes in from work he's sat on his arse on his phone.

Fuck. I read this so much on here. So many useless men who think a day at work absolves them of literally everything else, despite the fact that their wives have also been at work all day.

The genuine belief held by men that domestic and child-based labour should fall to women is depressingly persistent and common.

He said he was only joking and I take things too seriously

He's not joking, he means it, he's turning it round to make it your fault and shut you up.

Yep...he was dismissive of my work and the housework I do too....then when I've pulled him up on it...he's been dismissive of that too and twisted it .
I think what hurts is that for years I've carried the feeling of I'm not enough due to previous relationship abuse and that I thought had nothing to offer as a stay at home mum.
Now I've got myself into a better position and I'm working, I'm proud of where I am, mentally I'm stronger and I don't like that it feels like he's trying to put me down.

It’s only a joke if everyone finds it funny.

I could literally reduce my hours to 2 days a week from a full time job and my partner still wouldn't dare say that.
Because he's not a dick and he understands what running a house and school runs/clubs looks like.
Find yourself that kind of partner. One who respects you. I only have 1 child and you're doing all that with 3. I take my fucking hat off to you OP.
Kick this ungrateful twit to the curb. You're a baddass. You deserve so so much better.

He's minimizing your contribution because he's a narcissistic twat and you need to remind him of his 50% responsibility in your lives

When he complains he's tired, treat him like a tired child 'oh bless you, that job is too much for you isn't it? Have you considered getting something a bit less demanding? You'd not last a day in my world!''

Seriously, he doesn't respect your job or what you do at home, which means he doesn't respect you. He thinks that having a FT job means he doesn't have to do anything else. It's crazy that there are people who think like this, but there seem to be plenty of them on here.

I would try talking to him. Explain the simple maths. 'I do xx paid work and you do xx paid work (including both your travel to / from work). There's approx xx hours of parenting / housework / gardening etc every week. If I do xx hours and you do xx hours that means we'll both have worked the same hours, and both get the same downtime.

If he doesn't agree to that then you have no chance and I'd consider leaving.

@perfectcolourfound the first part of your reply made me chuckle because he does behave like a child...whining a lot about work.
I will try to sit and lay it all out. Now, my kids are all in bed but I've got washer and dryer on the go while he's in bed.

This reminds me of my old workplace in an office I managed for a while. 8 women and 5 men. All did exactly the same role, all at the same level and same pay. We were all parents.

Guess who took time off to look after sick children? Clue: it wasn’t the men.

For me, it was a no brainer, the children come first and work would survive.

The men, all five of them in the office, wouldn’t take time off unless it was a last port of call. I even overheard some of them a few times telling their wives they couldn’t possibly get away from work to collect their sick child from school because they were too busy. I’d let the men know they were welcome to go, but they always, always refused.

This all got discovered at a Christmas party (2010!) when one of the wives asked one of the women working there what happens when their little ones are off school unwell. We all chimed in that we look after them and our office is designed that we can easily pick up the slack if colleagues cannot be there. Even I took time off if my children were unwell and I was senior to them.

Nothing changed though.

I digressed a bit there, but misogyny is still wrong and strong!