DH could be functioning alcoholic? But maybe I am too...?

[ThisIsntMyUsualUsername]

We've been together 18 years, married 15 and have 3 kids.
DH's alcohol consumption has always been an issue. In the early days we were young, few responsibilities and it didn't really impact us beyond arguing when drunk. He did stupid risky things but survived to tell the tale. Looking back I assume I thought he'd ease off when we settled down. His binge drinking seemed like everyone else the same age.
We both drink a lot now. A few years ago I managed to quit for just over a year then covid hit and I just gradually restarted. I don't want to drink any more. Socially yes, I don't want to totally abstain, but I don't want to drink at home. Husband has said this week we won't drink Mon-Thursday. It's a start. He says this regularly and fails.
It's just once he starts drinking he doesn't stop. He has a bottle of wine. Gets a taste for it and walks to the shop for another. Or he has a few beers on a Saturday afternoon and asks me to buy more for the evening on my way home from work.
Because I often drink with him, but not the same amount, I feel hypocritical asking him to cut down. But I really struggle to not have a drink when he is, and when he is tipsy and I'm sober I don't like him so don't enjoy his company.
I'm going away for a few days soon with a friend and it always worries me leaving the kids alone with him. I've said to him if something happens and he's over the limit how would he get them to hospital? He doesn't make them go to bed because he's drinking and can't be arsed, and I was out Friday night and my kids were texting me at 11.45pm...they are ages 10-12!
I'm not sure what I'm asking. Maybe it's more an AIBU to ask him to quit drinking if I can't (don't want to) myself?
Is binge drinking 5 nights a week a form of alcoholism? Am I being over the top?

It really does feel like a weight has lifted, the house feels calm and the kids and I are noticeably happier. It has been traumatic though - he has made everything as hard as possible. I wouldn’t change it though.

I can easily go weeks without drinking now - if someone offers me one I’ll have one but I never think of it. I couldn’t go 3 days without booze before - it felt compulsory?!

but the fact they are asking you to divorce him is really concerning and very, very unusual.
me and my brother used to ask our mum why on earth was she with our step father, and why wouldn’t she leave him. We hated him, he treated her and us awfully. We we were probably about the same age, 10 & 12.
She only left him when I was about 22 when she found out he was having an affair. Im 54. Tbh im sure my childhood would have been much happier if she’d left him, and I probably wouldn’t have had so many issues to work out that I carried until my mid thirties when I realised my own life was going down a wrong path.

The kids :( the difference is you have acknowledged the problem and you are willing? To do the work.

It isn't normal to have a favourite, it sounds
Like your daughter has worked out not to push any buttons which is a bit sad.

If you do decide to go away can you leave all of the DC with someone else? The break may be exactly what you need. If you can't then I would reconsider going. If you don't feel 'safe' leaving the boys and they are already asking you to leave DH you must know that this is a very bad situation.

You don’t like him when he’s drinking. Do you like him when he’s sober? Is he a good, loving person?

If the atmosphere is better when he’s not around then why not make it permanent.