Am I a narcissist? Am I abusive?

[Amianarcissist]

I’m going through he worst time of my life. I feel like I’m going crazy, absolutely insane.
6 months ago I found out my long term partner was cheating. He came home left and has hardly seen our young children. I reacted not well, I’ll be honest. I screamed, shouted, sent loads of messages. Begged him to see the children and couldn’t understand. He refused to talk about anything. Denied it was an affair. Lied about so much. It’s taken 6 months for the whole truth to come out. Turns out he had been cheating for years with multiple women. He says it was my fault as he was so unhappy and I was abusive.

I don’t recognise the person he claims me to be. But I am starting to seriously question my whole identity. I thought I was just home doing the best I could to raise two small children. I went through both pregnancies alone and have practically raised them alone as he works abroad. Is it really true I could be abusive? Am I abusive for reacting and saying horrible things since the cheating? I am feeling so low. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore.

It's not quite clear from your post how long he's going to be around now and what kind of 'co-parenting' he's doing in person while he's here (ie are the kids staying with him overnight or for several days or are they just having days out with him)?

What specifically would you actually ideally like to happen, and what is he specifically offering?

Eg While he's in town, would you like him to have them for one set overnight a week, an evening on another night and iPad calls on two other days?

Define what you want and think might be practical first as a starting point.

Although unlikely, just be aware he is so entitled, that he does not have the children's passports, & take them with him.
Make sure you take the necessary legal steps to ensure this cannot happen

its really hard to define as he is back in the uk for a week disappears for two weeks and then back again for three weeks before disappearing for the next 14 weeks.

I don’t think the children would be ok just going off with him for a week because of his lack of contact and parenting. But maybe I am wrong?

So the idea was for him to have Tuesday/Wednesday daytime and the overnight with him and then at the weekend. He will be staying at an air BnB around 30 mins away.

My children do not currently have passports. Despite the fact their dad spends all his time out of the country they have never left the UK!

You won't be co parenting with this man. Just don't get in contact with him, let him do it all. If times and days don't suit you, tell him they don't suit. Let him figure it out if he's interested.

You are right co parenting is not really the right word. His role is more show up, do fun stuff and hand them back.

Look up parallel parenting