Want to break up

[unhappy50]

Hi all

I am 50 this week and been in a relationship
For 14 years tomorrow .. we have a mortgage and 2 young children together of 9 and 6. I don't love him anymore he does nothing for the relationship we live separate lives including separate beds.

I am so desperately unhappy but so so scared of telling him and the future . I worry about the house I own 70% and coping on my own with money and working full time.

The guilt is eating me up keeping me awake at night for how I feel. Can anyone offer some advice ? I just want to cry all the time

First of all I want to preface this with, I hope you’re okay. If you no longer love him, you sleep in separate beds etc it seems as if the relationship is emotionally over already. The hardest part will be getting up and finishing it, you don’t want to waste your life in a loveless relationship and you definitely can’t stay based on guilt. How is he with the children? If you were to split would he take them weekends, 50/50 custody?
Money wise, you’ll get child benefit etc, if you’re working full time I’d guess you’ll have enough or just about to support yourself. As for the house, it will work out. Depending on how much is paid off etc, you could sell and then split the money that is left with who’s due what, you could remortgage and pay him so he can move out etc. My aunt was 53, with 2 kids (10&12) and left her husband, he stayed in the house with them after still as they were not in love but didn’t hate eachother. It all depends on circumstance what happens with everything, but definitely don’t force yourself to stay in a relationship that you can’t find happiness in.

I’m sorry you are in this situation it must be awful. Have you talked to him about how you feel?

You are worried about being "alone", but you're failing to recognise that you already are.

You will be perfectly fine, I guarantee it. The best thing you will ever do for your kids is to get yourself to a place where you are at peace.

Thanks you so much ... yes and I alone and don't get any love or anything from him I am just eaten up with guilt yes I will talk to him .. it is just finding the right words and worried about finances as he does not have alot of money .. has anyone been through this ?