Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Men and daughters

30 replies

Livelifelaughter · 16/07/2023 19:36

So, I felt my last relationship suffered because of ex struggled to manage his relationship with me and his daughters. He didn't want to tell them he was seeing someone because one, aged 24 made it clear that she didn't want to know. To me it felt like it tainted things, if she called while we were together he would pretend he was on his own. If he told her what he did at the weekend he wouldn't say who with. He didn't like me visiting him when she was at home (she lives near by) in case we were seen. He didn't see me for 5 days over Christmas and only called when they were out (we live 6 miles apart). It sort of took the shine off things.
I have started seeing someone new, he also has two daughters, adults too. It's very early days but he cancelled meeting up an hour or so before, because his daughters wanted to pop over for dinner.
I am quite sensitive to this issue, I don't expect to meet them or anything and I accept the daughters are a priority at important things but it's this casual dis regard for me. The answer seems to be dont date men with daughters....any thoughts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 17/07/2023 12:47

INeedAnotherName · 17/07/2023 11:25

The second one, he seems to see his adult daughters weekly and has had a week's holiday with them last month, they live a few miles away.

Oh....that's not a good sign. I would throw this one back as he doesn't seem that interested in you (sorry). He should have been excited to see you. Be grateful this situation happened early on and you saw it.

Just wondering do you think he is too emeshed with them ? I also sometimes think it's because they are bored as in no one to go on holiday but if I pay for my daughters and boyfriends to go on holiday with me...

OP posts:
GerbilsForever24 · 17/07/2023 12:54

It's a DP problem, not a specific daughters' problem.

My dad has two adult daughters, and when he got involved with a new woman, he made a point of asking us to come and meet her when we were visiting. Because we are all mature adults and it's perfectly reasonable for him to have a woman in his life.

Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 17/07/2023 13:14

GerbilsForever24 · 17/07/2023 12:54

It's a DP problem, not a specific daughters' problem.

My dad has two adult daughters, and when he got involved with a new woman, he made a point of asking us to come and meet her when we were visiting. Because we are all mature adults and it's perfectly reasonable for him to have a woman in his life.

Oh I agree, it's up to the father to manage that relationship. But neither of the two I have met can do this; I think they fear a fallout and their daughters won't want to see them. My ex said his daughter refused to speak to him for a week when he told her about a previous relationship and took weeks after to get back on track...he didn't want to "go through that again '. Maybe your dad has brought you up in a different way and knew you would be kind and mature.

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 17/07/2023 16:39

Just wondering do you think he is too emeshed with them ?

It's not that he's too involved with them, but more that he's not that bothered with you. If he thought you were the best thing ever he wouldn't have changed his plans even if the DDs had stamped their feet. It's him, not them. Even if they didn't exist and a mate called round your date would have been cancelled.

You can say you found it hurtful and see what he says. Or you can wait and see if it happens again. Or you can find someone who actually values you and thinks you are the best thing ever (I don't think it's this one).

Sorry if I sound blunt or mean but I want you to see its nothing to do with the daughters and everything to do with the men. They aren't right for you.

Original poster
Livelifelaughter · 17/07/2023 17:03

INeedAnotherName · 17/07/2023 16:39

Just wondering do you think he is too emeshed with them ?

It's not that he's too involved with them, but more that he's not that bothered with you. If he thought you were the best thing ever he wouldn't have changed his plans even if the DDs had stamped their feet. It's him, not them. Even if they didn't exist and a mate called round your date would have been cancelled.

You can say you found it hurtful and see what he says. Or you can wait and see if it happens again. Or you can find someone who actually values you and thinks you are the best thing ever (I don't think it's this one).

Sorry if I sound blunt or mean but I want you to see its nothing to do with the daughters and everything to do with the men. They aren't right for you.

I do understand your point, but certainly with my ex it wasn't him per se, he didn't put friends ahead of me , but he managed the relationship between him and his daughters poorly.

With the new one, I don't know, you may well be correct but from reading the message I got he seemed to think because it was his daughter it was okay to cancel, for some reason he seemed to think that it was perfectly okay to drop everything. I don't think it would have happened with a friend.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread