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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being unreasonable??

5 replies

Strugglingatthemo · 16/07/2023 17:55

Hi, was hoping for some advice. My partner and I have been together for 1 year now and he has 2 kids from a previous marriage - both are over 18. We don’t live together but every weekend we spend together and recently I have noticed I am having to pick up the tab for the majority of what we do- I have tried speaking to him about it and he says it’s because his ex keeps spending all the money and he has nothing left as he still feels obligated to pay all the bills. We spoke about going on holiday to in august for 2 weeks- I transferred what he could because he ended up paying for his ex and their daughter to go on holiday and keeps saying he needs to do what makes his comfortable but I have ended up having to pay for the holiday! Similar today he said he was going to pay for a car for his ex for at least the next 6 months to a year. My issue is that it impacts our relationship because either I need to pay for it or we can’t do anything because he is supporting her. We usually get on really well but this weekend has been really tough. We were making dinner together and I couldn’t open a jar so I went to see where he went and he was texting his ex in the hall - not about the kids or dog as he has always said is there only communication. It then escalated from there / it’s causing me anxiety and I am confused what I should do. I asked him for some reassurance but got told I am the only one who can make myself happy, am I being an idiot!!!

OP posts:
Lalabright23 · 16/07/2023 18:04

No confusion needed - LTB

The end.

Seriously though, you're not matched well, it's only been a year, and you don't want to enter into a war of making him decide how to spend his money.

TomatoSandwiches · 16/07/2023 18:06

Cut your losses now, he will never stop this behaviour or commitment to her so bin him.

Go on holiday with a friend or family member, he can sit at home alone texting his ex.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 16/07/2023 18:24

His priorities are with another woman and will never be with you. Have you met his kids? Do you know for sure if he is still married or not? He could be living a dual life.

Strugglingatthemo · 16/07/2023 18:36

No I haven’t met his kids - he stays in a flat by himself in the same town as his ex. My other concern which bothers me a lot is that he hasn’t told a lot of his family about us. Feels like I am a secret cause he is worried about upsetting his ex

OP posts:
Neverinamonthofsundays · 16/07/2023 18:39

Or you are a secret as she is not his ex.

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