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Relationships

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Post divorce dating and overthinking

2 replies

teachermumjuggle · 16/07/2023 08:53

I started very casually dating someone for first time after divorce. I was with husband for 15 years so its all new and I am a massive over thinker. I say dating but really we both have kids and busy lives so have seen each other once a week at most over the last 5/6 weeks. Initially we messaged eachother other constantly, first thing in the morning at night etc, ...that has fizzled out thankfully as we both have jobs and kids.....but he still messages in the evenings and we message back and forth. I am in this game of dont message him first with myself at the moment, which feels a bit 2005 for me as someone in their 40s! So far on weekends we both haven't had kids, he hasnt made plans to see me and when we are both working from home he will casually say that he might pop in and doesn't. One part of my brain says he is just busy as a day doesn't go by when we dont have a text conversation for hours in the evening. We live in the same very small town, with kids who dont need to know about us so we dont go out so that we aren't seen together so that doesn't help my paranoia. We go to each others house, eat food together, have great sex and thats the routine we are in. He cancelled seeing me this week because he was feeling unwell and deapite immediately making plans to see me two days later, I was really dramatic about that ( thankfully not to him). Am i massively overthinking and this is all quite normal early stages that I should just be enjoying and not stressing about or is my instinct that I am just filling in the gaps in his day/week correct! I am too out of practice with this stuff!

OP posts:
YoSof · 16/07/2023 09:56

It doesn’t sound like you’re dating at all - you go round for food and sex which is fine if that’s all you want but it doesn’t sound like it it?

He is making very little effort, this time should be fun and exciting! You need to really have a think about what you want and have enough self respect to tell him that you want more than a casual FWB relationship if you’re looking for something more serious.

teachermumjuggle · 16/07/2023 10:04

YoSof · 16/07/2023 09:56

It doesn’t sound like you’re dating at all - you go round for food and sex which is fine if that’s all you want but it doesn’t sound like it it?

He is making very little effort, this time should be fun and exciting! You need to really have a think about what you want and have enough self respect to tell him that you want more than a casual FWB relationship if you’re looking for something more serious.

That is kind of the conclusion I have been coming to really. Not that food and sex is bad but it does seem to be that with a bit of messaging to pass a boring evening away in between!

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