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Original poster

He cares about me

35 replies

idontknowwhattothinkk · 16/07/2023 06:54

Hi, my brain is like mush at the moment. I have no one irl to talk to about this so I'm asking you all for clarity.

I'm a single parent, 2 DC. I have been seeing this guy for about 6 months, but knew him for about 2 years anyway from a hobby. My DC already knew him from the hobby too. We have been getting along really well, he would stay at mine when the DC were at their dads, we would go on days out together, go out for dinner, he helps me if something goes wrong, eg, my shower breaking, boiler going on the blink. He's been at mine twice when the DC have been here and played games with them and watched films with them.

We were texting last night about us and what we want, and he said he cares lot about me and the DC more than just a friend but don't know if there are any real feelings as he hasn't really thought about it like that. but is happy with how things are and seeing where they go.

I really like him. Am I wasting my time? He doesn't feel the same way I do does he? Can someone help me because my brain is going 100mph. Please don't be too harsh.

OP posts:
Original poster
idontknowwhattothinkk · 17/07/2023 07:03

Do I just go no contact? Or do I tell him if he wanted to he would then stop contact.

I've just ordered that book, should keep my mind off things.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 17/07/2023 07:10

You don't owe him anything. If you're not getting what you need, which is a commitment for a steady relationship then you need to decide if you sever ties because he's a time waster. Unfortunately we can't make that decision for you. What have you got to lose other than someone who'll keep flipflopping back and forth. You need to put you and your DC first.

daisychain01 · 17/07/2023 07:11

This should be a happy time. If you need to buy a book to take your mind off things could that be an indicator things aren't right...?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 17/07/2023 07:12

Depends what you want

are you looking for another (?)
marriage and a long term partnership

or does something more casual suit ?

its not just sex is it ? He helps and shows up

but if you have the love ❤️ and want that back then maybe this isn’t going in that direction

also if you decide to end it you’d have a discussion surely ?

but get very clear on what you want

Original poster
idontknowwhattothinkk · 17/07/2023 07:19

I know what I want, I have genuine love for him. I would love to have a relationship with him. When we spoke yesterday he said he did have some feelings, is scared of commitment and hasn't really thought about it that way, but is happy with how things are and just wants to see where things go. He's not into talking about feelings or anything so it was difficult for him to get that far.

I guess I know deep down if he actually did want me he would make it clear.

OP posts:
KPops22 · 17/07/2023 07:54

The fact that he came and talked to you also tells you that he is confident in his ability to talk you round and also has the desire to keep you in this current situation. I know this because I encountered one of these men and he was exactly like this - experienced in doing this and thinks he is silver tongued. Many men would avoid an uncomfortable situation like this.

PowerBMI · 17/07/2023 10:11

Someone who is afraid of commitment, doesn’t get involved with someone, do odd jobs for them, spend time with that persons kids and just not think about how you feel about it.

If you were scared of something would you just find yourself having to deal without, out of the blue? Be confronted with your fear without realising you have wandered into it?

TheCatterall · 17/07/2023 10:20

Nahhh. Scared of commitment but happy to make a faux relationship by entangling himself in your home life and bed!

I’d tell him that whilst you understand his stance you prefer clear lines with regards emotional entanglements and that if he wants to date you properly then he is welcome to have that conversation (don’t hold your breath @idontknowwhattothinkk ) but in the meantime so that you and your children don’t get hurt or confused you think it’s best to go back to how things were as the lines are too blurry right now.

And if he’s scared of commitment what work is he doing to address that so he can have healthy relationships going forward? Let us guess… none.

KPops22 · 17/07/2023 11:00

They also deliberately get entangled into your life to make you feel as if you cannot do without them while at the same time they offer no future.

StopStartStop · 18/07/2023 18:09

idontknowwhattothinkk · 16/07/2023 20:42

He came, he gave me a cuddle and said he cares about me a lot, and it's not that he doesn't have some feelings there but he's scared of commitment and doesn't know why and said he's not interested in seeing other people.

So now I don't know what to think and I'm even more confused

He's wasting your time, whilst keeping your knees slightly parted in readiness.

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