Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner Financial Problems/debt?

7 replies

LittleBitof · 15/07/2023 18:40

My partner and I are both divorced and have no financial ties to each other. We have both been divorced 10+ years. The relationship is generally good and loving. We don't live together due to having teenage children we don't want to blend.

It seems he and his ex have had years of financial issues. They both had debt and possible bankruptcy when they divorced. Their divorce was meant to trigger the sale of their marital home, but it didn't. Due to them holding on to the home, they both continue to pay the mortgage.

Every year or so my partner seems to decend into a depression about finances, as their situation is financially unsustainable. He has a loan etc but his exwife refuses to move out, he doesnt want to go to court, she leaves bills unpaid, he picks up the tab, so the cycle continues.

He has now taken a second job to pay her latest unpaid bills, for the sake of their children.

I find the whole thing incredibly stressful, as I'm very careful with money and it's horrible seeing someone you love go through this. If I gave him money it'd be pointless, as it would be spent and then more needed when the next threat/default happens.

What do I do??? I think she likes the situation because she's in control and it ruins his relationships...but he won't stand up to it and sort it out?

OP posts:
suburbophobe · 15/07/2023 18:44

This has been going on for 10 years?!

I couldn't deal with the stress of this in my own life so I would be walking away. Sorry.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/07/2023 18:45

I’d walk away and tell him to come back once he’s stopped being so enmeshed with his ex and sorted his shit out. You don’t need this, way too much hassle as it is.

LittleBitof · 15/07/2023 18:49

Thanks, I do find it incredibly stressful. I think over the years friends/family have tried to convince him to make her sell the house etc or that she should pay her bills but he doesn't want to. Presumably due to guilt (he wanted divorce) and also because she gets angry and he just agrees to pay.

It is very hard to watch someone you love like this.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 15/07/2023 18:51

He needs to tell her ! He has no financial obligations towards her apart from child maintenance. He needs to force a court order to force the sale of the home, so they can both release their equity and move on. Why is he being so spineless.? Or do they have an agreement whereby the ex lives in the house until the kids finish education?

LittleBitof · 15/07/2023 19:05

@Babyroobs he has no financial obligations for this. She leaves the bills unpaid, which means she and the kids would lose the house if he didn't pay. He definitely has no legal obligation.

It's horrible to watch, he is very stressed, but won't do anything.

OP posts:
Greengrassoh · 15/07/2023 21:13

Does it not put you off that he’s such a wet lettuce?

LittleBitof · 15/07/2023 21:46

@Greengrassoh yes I suppose it does put me off. I think only he can do something about this situation, it seems unlikely to change though.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread