I have a friend I've known since college, so over twenty years now. I'm in a long term relationship and friend, me and partner were all in the same friendship group.
I've never known said friend to date. He always seemed sociable and had plenty of friends so I never really questioned it - assumed he was happy as he was. Relationships weren't really a subject that came up over the years - we are friends but don't tend to talk about personal things that much, mainly see them as have shared interests eg gigs/music.
In the last year or two, friend has very occasionally mentioned about dating apps, or asking women out but being turned down. He's also mentioned about being shy, which I've never thought of him being, though I can see there's a difference in being confident around friends compared to romantic partners.
He's a lovely guy and if he is lonely and actually wanting a relationship I feel a bit sorry for him missing out - i can imagine trying to date in your forties when you haven't got much experience & all your friends are paired off must be tough. I sort of want to help him somehow, but I'm not really sure if there is anything I can do to help? Other than maybe make the effort to go out to places with him where he has more chance of meeting people? Ie compared to the usual dinner parties full of couples that tends to happen now!
Before people decide there must be something obviously wrong with him, theres no major issues - he's got a good job, own home, caring, interested in the arts, likes animals etc. Honestly the only thing I can really think of - and please don't rip me for this - is that he was used to being seen as a friend only, and we live in a mainly white area and he's Chinese heritage. I don't mean to suggest people are overtly racist, but perhaps don't picture someone who looks like him as their 'ideal partner'. He has mentioned that his parents encouraged him to have a choice about his love life but that if he wanted it they would have set him up, not with an arranged marriage as such, but that there would have been introductions etc & because he was studying a STEM degree he could easily have been married in his twenties. But in his parents culture it is normal for a man to be married by mid twenties to thirty at latest and after that you're perceived as a bit of a lost cause or a bachelor (ie in the closet) So that might have influenced him & his confidence. And perhaps people he meets might assume that he dates within his community? It isn't that there are no mixed relationships here (we're not super backward!) but I don't think there's many mixed race relationships where one partner is Chinese.
Would you suggest anything I can do to (subtly) help him, or advice to give -eg any dating apps better or worse? Is that the only way to meet people now?
Mumsnet seems to have so many stories about the lack of kind, genuine men and how difficult they are to find, so it just feels a shame that I know one and he seems to be completely under the radar!