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Original poster

How many people tell lies in family court?

51 replies

xx200xx · 14/07/2023 17:40

Hello,
Me again sorry

Just looking on how many fathers have lied to family courts for custody??

My 1 year olds father has/is lying so bad. He's saying my son is filthy and In dirty clothes what don't fit every time they have contact. He says he wishes he had more time with him so he can bathe himS Also plenty of other lies.

I have done nothing but tell the truth. He only sees our son twice a week atm for a few hours. We are back to court in October.

I'm so scared he will get custody due to his lies. He's a full blown narcissist. He has got his father as a witness also. I have took pictures of my soon before contact and he's coming home with dirty clothes. Only 2 occasions I forgot to take pictures. I'm so scared. Sorry for posting loads. I'm just having a hard time

OP posts:
peekabooer20 · 14/07/2023 22:14

I know how awful it is, it was the worst time of my life! However the outcome was absolutely anywhere near how bad I thought it would be, the opposite really. My ex was abusive but not at the level it sounds like yours has been so I'm sure all will be fine. Feel free to message me if you want to chat more x

Original poster
xx200xx · 14/07/2023 22:17

peekabooer20 · 14/07/2023 22:14

I know how awful it is, it was the worst time of my life! However the outcome was absolutely anywhere near how bad I thought it would be, the opposite really. My ex was abusive but not at the level it sounds like yours has been so I'm sure all will be fine. Feel free to message me if you want to chat more x

I always think the worse before every court hearing and most of time time it ends up okay. But he's pushing his luck more and more trying to get custody. Both him and his father. There doing everything they can!
Thank you I appreciate that x

OP posts:
clpsmum · 14/07/2023 22:25

Yea mine did and like you I told only the truth

Original poster
xx200xx · 14/07/2023 22:26

clpsmum · 14/07/2023 22:25

Yea mine did and like you I told only the truth

Can I ask what the outcome was if this? Did he get his own way? :(

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/07/2023 22:28

I spoke to a lawyer about malicious allegations - what could they say and how might it impact me? - and she was super chilled out, basically saying that anything they claimed that was untrue you would refute any 'evidence ' they came up with you'd have an explanation for so there isn't anything to worry about. I found it reassuring and it sounds like you have some good references with living with refuge - a court would believe them over an abuser certainly - this horrid man is just trying to continue to scare and control you

clpsmum · 14/07/2023 22:31

He didn't get his own way no. It was very very stressful and traumatic. They sent a court reporter to speak to my ex, my dc and myself on three occasions and it was ho early like being on trial. It was an interrogation and when I came out of the first appointment I couldn't actually physically speak for over an hour it was so traumatic. How old is your child? Ask your solicitor to request the court asks for references/reports from absolutely every agency that is involved with you and your child

Original poster
xx200xx · 14/07/2023 22:33

clpsmum · 14/07/2023 22:31

He didn't get his own way no. It was very very stressful and traumatic. They sent a court reporter to speak to my ex, my dc and myself on three occasions and it was ho early like being on trial. It was an interrogation and when I came out of the first appointment I couldn't actually physically speak for over an hour it was so traumatic. How old is your child? Ask your solicitor to request the court asks for references/reports from absolutely every agency that is involved with you and your child

It's awful!! They don't think about the children at all. My son is 1 years old but would of just turned 2 when the next court hearing is. I'm going to ask her about references!

OP posts:
TickingKey46 · 14/07/2023 22:34

I think you need to be really careful not to unintentislly get pulled into playing his silly game. You really have to be objective and have a bloody hard skin when going through the courts. I 100% wouldn't be taking photos of my child into court! This could back fire and make it look as if you're as bad as him. Your living in an environment where there are trusted members of staff who have a duty of care to say if they're are any conserns. So regardless of what shit he talks, if needed you have people who can confirm he's well dressed.
Also unless there's a true safeguarding concern, the courts arnt interested. So if you're child has spilt his dinner down his top or fallen over in mud, no one will care.
Let him run around telling lies about it, it happens all the time. I had many lies said about me in court, if the court are concerned they will look further into the welfare of the child.
Courts also like to keep to the status quo as they believe it's in the best interests of the child. Eg if the child has been living with you for 6 months that is what their used to, so even though there's a possibility dad will have his time increased. It's very unlikely he will eventually gain more than 50%, with out real reason.
You need to take a deep breath and not allow him to unravel you. I'm saying this from someone who has been to court many, many, many times.

KentuckyFriedChicken83 · 14/07/2023 22:34

I hope my post will bring you some reassurance.

I've been through the court system supporting my husband as he tried to get full custody from his ex due to many disclosures from his son. There was even evidence of violence to show her true character.

My husband has tried to get 50/50 for the past 8 years but he's never awarded it. There has to be a very good reason to change the status quo and I have to say I disagree with your solicitor saying 50/50 is what normally happens.

From what you have said OP, there is nowhere near enough justification for the courts to change residency. They are very much for the status quo argument and will only uproot a child if they are in danger or being abused. Considering it is the dad that has the non molestation order and you are in a refuge, there is zero chance of you losing custody. In fact, he might even end up with supervised as he cannot respect the non-molestation order.

Original poster
xx200xx · 14/07/2023 22:38

TickingKey46 · 14/07/2023 22:34

I think you need to be really careful not to unintentislly get pulled into playing his silly game. You really have to be objective and have a bloody hard skin when going through the courts. I 100% wouldn't be taking photos of my child into court! This could back fire and make it look as if you're as bad as him. Your living in an environment where there are trusted members of staff who have a duty of care to say if they're are any conserns. So regardless of what shit he talks, if needed you have people who can confirm he's well dressed.
Also unless there's a true safeguarding concern, the courts arnt interested. So if you're child has spilt his dinner down his top or fallen over in mud, no one will care.
Let him run around telling lies about it, it happens all the time. I had many lies said about me in court, if the court are concerned they will look further into the welfare of the child.
Courts also like to keep to the status quo as they believe it's in the best interests of the child. Eg if the child has been living with you for 6 months that is what their used to, so even though there's a possibility dad will have his time increased. It's very unlikely he will eventually gain more than 50%, with out real reason.
You need to take a deep breath and not allow him to unravel you. I'm saying this from someone who has been to court many, many, many times.

Thankyou. Can I ask why I can't show pictures of my son to prove myself that he's being sent clean? It's all Microsoft teams so my solicitor sorts everything and a barrister works on my behalf so they would show pictures it it got to that.

I am moving into my own home next week and feel like I can't be happy due to my child's fathers lies. Just keep thinking I'm going to lose my son! I suffer with anxiety as it is so this is causing me to feel so weak. But staying strong for my son!

OP posts:
TickingKey46 · 14/07/2023 22:38

Kentucky
That was exactly my point "status quo"

Original poster
xx200xx · 14/07/2023 22:40

KentuckyFriedChicken83 · 14/07/2023 22:34

I hope my post will bring you some reassurance.

I've been through the court system supporting my husband as he tried to get full custody from his ex due to many disclosures from his son. There was even evidence of violence to show her true character.

My husband has tried to get 50/50 for the past 8 years but he's never awarded it. There has to be a very good reason to change the status quo and I have to say I disagree with your solicitor saying 50/50 is what normally happens.

From what you have said OP, there is nowhere near enough justification for the courts to change residency. They are very much for the status quo argument and will only uproot a child if they are in danger or being abused. Considering it is the dad that has the non molestation order and you are in a refuge, there is zero chance of you losing custody. In fact, he might even end up with supervised as he cannot respect the non-molestation order.

I hope so🤞🏽

Such a shame to hear about your husband tho when there is real genuine concerns!!

I have had police out tonight to get my statement and she will be sending solictors and email and either ringing or texting dad.
It's a game to him, him or his family are not thinking of my son at all. They know he's a happy healthy boy!

OP posts:
TickingKey46 · 14/07/2023 22:46

I think you need to check your solicitor thinks it's a good idea first. I'm pretty sure mine would have declined.
The family courts are none binary meaning you can both be seen as being at fault. So regardless off his obvious bad behaviour and the natural response you would have to it. You can also be seen at fault or accused of something that you haven't done.
I would just seek advise first as it just feels as if your playing into his games. You know he's clean and tidy and can proof it if necessary. So keep the photos but don't go all out showing them unless it's necessary.

clpsmum · 14/07/2023 22:48

@xx200xx I'm so glad your son will be spared the awful interrogations! Good luck I hope things work out for you xxx

Original poster
xx200xx · 14/07/2023 22:49

TickingKey46 · 14/07/2023 22:46

I think you need to check your solicitor thinks it's a good idea first. I'm pretty sure mine would have declined.
The family courts are none binary meaning you can both be seen as being at fault. So regardless off his obvious bad behaviour and the natural response you would have to it. You can also be seen at fault or accused of something that you haven't done.
I would just seek advise first as it just feels as if your playing into his games. You know he's clean and tidy and can proof it if necessary. So keep the photos but don't go all out showing them unless it's necessary.

What do u mean by playing into his games? I just feel I'm trying to protect myself by doing this as I have a feeling he would accuse me of all sorts.

OP posts:
Original poster
xx200xx · 14/07/2023 22:49

clpsmum · 14/07/2023 22:48

@xx200xx I'm so glad your son will be spared the awful interrogations! Good luck I hope things work out for you xxx

Thankyou xxx

OP posts:
PimmsandCucumbers · 14/07/2023 22:57

I would use the fact that your Ex is saying that you are bad mother to point out the increased conflict that will result from 50/50.

I’d write this all down and be very calm, but say that your Ex is constantly undermining your parenting and that this has a direct and indirect negative impact on your child.

And why on earth should he get 50/50 when you’ve been the main carer all along, surely that is a massive change to what your child has been used to and no change should happen unless it is substantially in the child’s benefit, and there is no evidence at all to say that 50/50 is in the child’s benefit. There is evidence to say that it is not good if there is conflict.

So if I were you I’d say that there is conflict, that it stems from the Ex, but even if they don’t ‘believe’ this, the conflict is there in black and white if the Ex is complaining about you all the time. Say that it is this very conflict which needs to be decreased and that your Ex will never work cooperatively with you as a parent. And that they have zero reason to believe that you are a bad parent.

PimmsandCucumbers · 14/07/2023 22:59

And honestly I’d think of changing my solicitor if they think 50/50 is the norm.

Original poster
xx200xx · 14/07/2023 23:00

PimmsandCucumbers · 14/07/2023 22:57

I would use the fact that your Ex is saying that you are bad mother to point out the increased conflict that will result from 50/50.

I’d write this all down and be very calm, but say that your Ex is constantly undermining your parenting and that this has a direct and indirect negative impact on your child.

And why on earth should he get 50/50 when you’ve been the main carer all along, surely that is a massive change to what your child has been used to and no change should happen unless it is substantially in the child’s benefit, and there is no evidence at all to say that 50/50 is in the child’s benefit. There is evidence to say that it is not good if there is conflict.

So if I were you I’d say that there is conflict, that it stems from the Ex, but even if they don’t ‘believe’ this, the conflict is there in black and white if the Ex is complaining about you all the time. Say that it is this very conflict which needs to be decreased and that your Ex will never work cooperatively with you as a parent. And that they have zero reason to believe that you are a bad parent.

I will use this thank you! Just fingers crossed 🤞🏽

OP posts:
Delphigirl · 14/07/2023 23:01

How many people lie in family court? Somewhere between 50-100%

Original poster
xx200xx · 14/07/2023 23:02

PimmsandCucumbers · 14/07/2023 22:59

And honestly I’d think of changing my solicitor if they think 50/50 is the norm.

It's through legal aid, the refuge referred me to her! She's been amazing so far but she said the courts are normally fair and grant parents 50/50.
I have a barrister during the hearings so I will ask for her opinion.

OP posts:
Delphigirl · 14/07/2023 23:02

Ie there is always one person lying and sometimes 2

TickingKey46 · 14/07/2023 23:09

He's just playing silly games and deliberately causing you stress. Yes it's very hard but unless others have conserns then he's just lobbing around silly accusations. Let him continue. Your end up getting yourself tied up in knots about it all.
I think you need to be careful that taking photos of your child to prove he's clean isn't seen as negative. It's just not a positive thing to do.
Keep the photos back and of course you have evidence if it becomes a concern for the professionals.

KentuckyFriedChicken83 · 14/07/2023 23:15

PimmsandCucumbers · 14/07/2023 22:59

And honestly I’d think of changing my solicitor if they think 50/50 is the norm.

I agree with this. It's usually only the norm when the parental relationship is amicable. I can't see the court giving someone 50/50 when they have a non-molestation order against them.

Original poster
xx200xx · 14/07/2023 23:22

@KentuckyFriedChicken83
I think she said she sees this a lot and that its the norm nowadays where both parents get 50:50. Unless she is preparing me for the worse?

OP posts:
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