OW has breast cancer

[shiningcuckoo]

I feel like the most terrible person because I am struggling to find compassion for the woman my ex left me for who now has breast cancer. She was a friend when I was still married and the discovery of their affair caused my life to collapse - I lost my home, my job, my self esteem and they tried to take my children but didnt succeed. The ex and the OW are still an item and I have nothing to do with them, My kids are old enough to make their own relationship with their dad and I keep out of it. I have cancer too - not breast cancer - with a terminal diagnosis and have been dealing with the progress and treatment for three years now. So i feel I should be feeling some compassion but nothing. I probably should stay quiet and stay out of it - right?

Stop thinking about her, whether it be positive, negative or indifferent. Your kids don't need to mention stuff about her to you either. Lots of people get cancer, she's one of them. She is no longer a friend. Focus all your energies on your own life.

If you don't see him or talk to him, then I wouldn't even acknowledge this.

If he tells you face-to-face, then I'd either say, "Oh dear" and change the subject or "I hope you don't treat her as badly as you treated me". But ideally, I'd just avoid him altogether.

I'm so sorry you have cancer, though. I hope you have a good support system in place.

Agree with PP: you don’t owe her compassion. The fact you think you might shows what an amazing person you are. Really sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Focus on yourself and your DCs.

Shitbags get cancer too - it's an equal opportunities illness.

YANBU for not feeling compassionate, her being ill doesn't magically undo her misdeeds.

I agree. You are by far the better person. Best of luck, OP.

I would confine any response to expressions of worry about your DC. As in, 'don't make a fuss about it in front of little Bill and Ted. They have been through enough already'.

This. Exactly this

I don't understand why you think you should feel compassion for her tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think what you're feeling is a sign of how much you've emotionally moved on from how badly they treated you in the past. I wouldn't worry about it but focus on the children caught in the middle (as a pp said) who are dealing with diagnoses on both sides.

I personally disagree with those who are saying karma - cancer doesn't discriminate between "good" and "bad" people, a lot of the time it's just crappy bad luck

Ah fuck her I say

why does she need compassion
your sick too ? Is she giving you any ?

she’s not your friend

I personally disagree with those who are saying karma - cancer doesn't discriminate between "good" and "bad" people, a lot of the time it's just crappy bad luck

It's especially insensitive on this thread given that that the OP has said she also has cancer.

This with bells on.

You owe her nothing.

So sorry for your struggles and illness op 💐

The karma comments are grim. That’s not what karma means and they suggest anyone with cancer or another awful experience have brought it on themselves.

You don't have to say anything. Is she sending supportive messages about your cancer? Even then you don't

You just need to focus on looking after yourself and ask people not to update you on them x

Of course stay quiet, why would you say something to someone who probably doesn't ever think about you or give you any headspace?

Don't anyone worry about the karma stuff. I don't actually believe in karma. If it were true my ex's knob would have dropped off long ago. My kids seem unbothered. They are 17 and are deeply self centred in a typical teenage fashion.

I wouldn’t have any sympathy for her

My ex and best friend cheated it almost broke me, I had two children to look after one just a toddler. Within 6 months of them being rumbled she had breast cancer.

She’s mid 30’s and has had her breast removed, I also heard she needs the other removed and a hysterectomy.

He did try to tell me all about it and my response was I’m really not interested which I’m not.

Focus on yourself and your family.

That's the spirit OP. now she's got cancer as well as being with your shitty ex.