Father refusing adult son access to his own money

[SurfingSandy]

I'm posting on behalf of my friend whose ex is refusing to give their son access to his child savings account money even though the son is now 20. The account was opened and operated by the ex but they both contributed to it along with other family members. The account would have had to be transferred into the son's name at 18 so ex has presumably been impersonating son to bank since then. When tackled about it ex becomes very defensive and says son is not responsible enough to handle the money (which is a joke as ex is hopeless in that department whereas son is actually very sensible). So far there's no suggestion ex has stolen or plans to steal the money but apparently is just 'keeping it safe' for son. Nevertheless it seems to me this is clearly criminal behaviour. My friend is very angry and upset about it but does not want to do anything that might blow up fragile family relationships and make life worse for her son, who is close to his dad. Has anyone been in a similar position or have any ideas how to resolve things?

This is financial abuse of her child why does she want to avoid reporting it?

Honestly, OP, “the money is long gone” is kind of the least worst option here. It’s also entirely possible his dad has been getting up to all kinds if he’s been setting up current accounts in your son’s name.

Even if your son doesn’t want to pursue the likely-stolen money, I would tell him to get a credit report and close down any accounts in his name that aren’t actually his. And put a freeze on his credit account so no loans can be taken out without his knowledge.

Thank you all. I must admit I was so shocked to hear this story that I am still reeling a bit. The ex always seemed ok and he has a good professional job so I struggle to contemplate the possibility he's taken the kid's money. But who knows - people are capable of the most surprising things. You're all right of course - she needs to act quickly and decisively. I will pass on all the excellent recommendations and hopefully I can persuade her to toughen up a bit.

I wouldn’t be fooled by the professional job OP. The number of gambling addicted accountants I know is astonishing.

My dad would have spend my child trust fund in a heartbeat if he could have. Luckily my grandparents knew him well and put my aunt as trustee, not him.

I don't think a credit report would show bank account information. However there are services to find 'lost' or forgotten bank accounts which he could use - I used one after my dad died as his record keeping was a bit unreliable in his later years.

See something like this:

It's still surprisingly easy for parents to access children's accounts, even after they turn 18 unfortunately.
DS has some money from an inheritance which he is very happy for me to manage for him at the moment. There is complete transparency between us and he knows he has access to it at any time. However I have been able to move money and open accounts for him in ways which I can see could be exploited by a parent wanting access to it fraudulently. Last month a building society transferred £20k on the basis of a copy of a letter which could easily have been photoshopped with his signature (it wasn't!).

How much does she think might be in the account?

I'd let the boy trace it just take in ID proof of address and they will find it ....my sil opened one for my kids as babies then denied it existed 15 years later

and the son has a good relationship with the dad why?? young men need to be educated better and learn to stop sympathising with selfish controling man-thieves!

If your son goes into the bank with ID they will identify the account.

Is it not in the sons name? I really don't understand why she or her son doesn't just do this

Thank you. I do agree. This would seem simplest. Though I think would need to be the son.

That's interesting. This sounds like very much the situation in my friend's case - but without the transparency.

I believe it may be some tens of thousands as some inheritance was left to the son.

You say the son is close to his father, how does he feel? Perhaps he doesn’t want to access it yet?
I have a 20 year old who is still not great with money and his savings account opened by me has not been handed over either. I’ve put money into it since he was a child (plus all money from birthday cards etc..) for the purpose of helping him start adult life i.e car, flat, travel or something like that. He’s happy enough for me to keep it ticking over. If I handed it over now it would be gone in a flash and that’s not what it was saved for.

But the only reason he has for being reluctant to give the bank details is that he has spent all of the money, so what would be the point of using it as leverage like this?

Exactly, at the bare minimum, he should be able to provide access to all the statements, showing zero transactions other than the earlier deposits and interest building.

But I would also bet on him having emptied the account years ago, and hoping it would be forgotten.

For that amount of money, I'd be telling the ex that the son will involve the authorities if he doesn't get sole access to his money by a particular date.

Why on earth are family relationships being protected here? The ex is the one causing the problem. Asking for your own money, as an adult, isn't a cause of family disharmony, and if you don't get your money, disharmony is already there.

the son needs to go to the bank with his identification. Then explain the situation, that it’s his account and he wants access. Why would your friend be worried about exposing theft of her child’s money? I suspect it’s all gone.

perhaps he is too young for all the money though?

The father hardley shows adult responsibility so surely the adult the money belongs too would be better to have use of his money rather than the so called father who is stealing it?

But we don’t know that he has. It’s just the conclusion of this thread. It may be that the son would piss it all up the wall and the dad thinks he’d be better off getting it later- if I die mine aren’t getting control of their inheritance until they’re 25.

however, he should at least be able to produce the statements.