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Relationships

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Original poster

Pregnant after only dating 5 months - advice needed!

23 replies

Travelingc · 14/07/2023 12:39

My bf and I have been together for 5 months, we are both very stubborn so have had our fair share of arguments, but we are crazy about each other and are dedicated to making it work. Except a week ago I found out I was pregnant (I was on birth control so this came as a total shock).

I am 38 and he is 41, since the beginning we have been very clear on wanting a family. But now that I am pregnant he is freaking out. He doesn't stop trying to convince me to have an abortion and says all of his family and friends think I am crazy for wanting to have this baby.

The other day we got into a fight and he told me to choose between him or the baby, I packed my things up and left and we haven't spoken since. I love him so much but I refuse to kill my baby. My mom says he is in shock and to give him time to think. I just wanted to see if anyone has been in this situation and if their partner had a change of heart, because I am so scared to have to raise this baby on my own.

OP posts:

WilkinsonM · 14/07/2023 12:41

You shouldn't have any arguments 5 months into a relationship. This is a mess. Stay pregnant if you really want a baby but accept you'll be a single parent.

GMH1974 · 14/07/2023 12:43

Have the baby. Ditch the man.

SeasonsBleatings · 14/07/2023 12:45

If he does come back do you really want someone who would give an ultimatum and walk out on their pregnant partner?

BigButtons · 14/07/2023 12:49

Who plans having a family with someone only 5 months into a relationship and with whom they argue all the time?
He doesn’t want the baby. He’s known you 5 months. However, these things happen. I guess you will have to decide whether being a single parent is what you want. At 38 your age will be a consideration though, especially if you do want children, you have to weigh all these things up.

Meeting · 14/07/2023 12:50

Fuck him. Why would you want to be with a man who tries to make you do that anyway.

perfectcolourfound · 14/07/2023 12:50

I wouldn't want him back.

Aside from being pregnant, this wasn't a good r'ship. You wouldn't be arguing 5 months in if it was.

There is a risk you will stay together because you're pregnant, which would be wrong for everyone concerned.

He clearly doesn't want to be dad right now, so I would accept you'll be a single parent.

cheezncrackers · 14/07/2023 12:51

You're both dedicated to making this relationship work, yet he's pressuring you to get an abortion, gave you an ultimatum, you packed your bags and left and now you haven't spoken for a week? I'm afraid I don't see any dedication here. I see two people in a brand new relationship who've ended up in a situation that their relationship isn't ready for and the whole thing has blown apart.

I wouldn't count on him begging for you to come back OP. It might happen, stranger things have, but you should go forward from this point expecting to be a lone parent. That way, you'll be mentally prepared if that's the way it turns out.

philautia · 14/07/2023 12:53

Arguing about anything five months into a relationship is ridiculous. What were you arguing about?!

Greatdomestic · 14/07/2023 12:54

Hi op.

Sorry that you are in this situation.

I agree with previous poster that only 5 months in you should not already have had your share of arguments. And being "dedicated to making it work" sounds like something a long married couple in counselling might say. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

This guy isn't going to be there for you and your baby, if you decide to progress with the pregnancy. He has shown his true colours.

I think he was future faking about wanting children.

TheIsleOfTheLost · 14/07/2023 12:55

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Make plans to be a single parent. He may or may not want to be in the child's life at a later date. He doesn't get to force you into a termination, do whatever is right for you.

HowAmYa · 14/07/2023 12:56

Sorry OP the start of your post I actually assumed you were both teens.

I think you are both mature enough to surely know that arguments within months of dating is NOT normal and is toxic!!

This is a very very bad situation to bring a kid into. I'd either leave him (you're CLEARLY not compatible if already fighting before getting pregnant) and have the baby as a single parent or consider not having the baby at all...and still leave him!

cheezncrackers · 14/07/2023 12:57

Is there any chance he thinks you tricked him into this pregnancy OP?

PaintedEgg · 14/07/2023 12:58

that relationship is done whatever you do so don't have an abortion just because he told you to. If you want this baby - carry on with the pregnancy.

he's a big boy and he should know that having sex carries a risk of pregnancy. He shouldn't even try to bully you in having an abortion, what a vile thing to do!

Purplecatshopaholic · 14/07/2023 12:58

cheezncrackers · 14/07/2023 12:51

Yup, this. If he comes back, and you want him back then fine, but don’t count on it. And really given how he’s behaved since you found out, would you want him back anyway?

Enforceddrysummer · 14/07/2023 13:00

I was in a similar situation. By the time I gave birth, he had mellowed, despite spending weeks early on insisting that I had a termination. He actually was there for the birth and made an effort to bond, but by the time DC was six, had been secretly on line dating and left us for one of many OW. I ended up a single parent anyway. That was the end of his parenting and any financial support. It was worth it though to have my DC.

TwoHoots74 · 14/07/2023 13:01

Following

DuchessOfSausage · 14/07/2023 13:03

You've known him 5 months. You do not love him, you don't really know him.
You don't seem compatible.

If you want a baby, have it but appreciate that you will be a lone parent.

Fuckstix · 14/07/2023 13:03

To be frank, he's not the man for you but you're 38. That's all the time in the world to meet a fabulous partner but not necessarily all the time in the world to meet one in time to have kids together. I would have the baby but decide to draw a line under this relationship.

Even if he was taken aback, this is a 41 year old man, not a teenage boy. He was willingly having sex with a woman and it has led to a pregnancy. It happens. He is easily old enough to know that contraception isn't guaranteed to work. It was awful behaviour to try and push you to have an abortion and bring his family into it.

I agree multiple arguments in 5 months is a very clear sign you are not a good fit.

I would let him know it is over, he will hear from CMS and if he wants contact with the baby to speak to a solicitor. He won't be helpful or reliable so don't be waiting for him to come round to the idea. He's a mess.

VeridicalVagabond · 14/07/2023 13:06

He is never, ever going to be a father to that child. Men like this never are.

To be honest even if you had an abortion at this point the relationship is dead anyway. Love is not enough to fix this kind of vile behaviour, and if you had an abortion to keep him you'd resent him forever.

So your choices are have an abortion and be single, or have a baby and be single. Staying with him is really, really not an option for you.

Keep the baby, ditch the horrible bullying twat.

Berlinlover · 14/07/2023 13:08

cheezncrackers · 14/07/2023 12:57

Is there any chance he thinks you tricked him into this pregnancy OP?

I thought this immediately too.

Hibiscrubbed · 14/07/2023 13:08

Sounds like he was future faking you and he got caught out.

He also sounds vile.

If you want the baby, have it. Don’t put him in the birth certificate. Do claim CMS. It’ll be hard, but if you want it, you can probably do it.

Badger1970 · 14/07/2023 13:18

No one in their right mind is "dedicated to making it work" 5 months in - that's the honeymoon period.

Consider the poor kid being brought into this shit show - not just you.

FOJN · 14/07/2023 14:29

It's your body so it's your choice but I think you have to plan on being a single parent.

Sadly your baby was conceived in toxic and dysfunctional relationship and you may now have maintain contact with your ex for decades. It's not an ideal situation to bring a baby into but I think it would be worse if you got back together, your child deserves better than that.

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