DP can't get over things in the past

[loopy9393]

Been with DP little over a year and 11 weeks pregnant. Between splitting up from my ex and us becoming official there have been ups and downs and I definitely went a bit "off the rails". After splitting from physically and mentally abusive ex of 10 years who left me for OW I was out drinking and letting my hair down often, making the most of the freedom I hadn't ever had. I slept with a few people and being in a small town gossip spreads quickly. DP cannot get over who I've slept with/how many (yet less than 10 people in my 30 years of existence) and brings it up almost daily with little digs which ends up in massive arguments etc. I don't know what to do, try and make it work and put up with the constant bickering or walk away. I do not want to bring this baby into the world either as a single mum or into a doomed relationship (no dig at single mums but I'm not financially or emotionally in that place). Any advice? TIA.

Don't let him move in with you if he hasn't already. Watch out for things like him not being happy when you meet friends or family without him.
Like you I've had just under 10 sexual partners in my 45 years. DH has never mentioned them as it was all before him, and he only had one partner before me.

Oh shit sorry I misread. I thought the baby was here. I don't often suggest this either but would be considering very hard whether to have a baby with an abusive man. If not, no need for above conversation. He is awful. It's not nice to say but might you be happier making a clean break from him

I do not want to bring this baby into the world either as a single mum or into a doomed relationship
I doubt anyone would be surprised if you decided to terminate.

Oh dear. It’s so common for abuse to really start once a man has got his partner trapped by getting her pregnant. He’s an abusive, controlling, misogynistic twat and there is no way I’d be remaining in this relationship. It was very fast to be getting pregnant and he’s now showing his true colours, altho I suspect there was missed signs before. Frankly, I’d also be reconsidering continuing with the pregnancy, is it really what you want, to be tied to this dickhead for life?

Have you posted similar before, abusive name calling about your past while he was not exactly whiter than white. It will only get worse when the baby arrives.

You've moved on very quickly and become pregnant. What was your hurry?

Why do people just dash from one relationship to another instead of taking stock and learning?

Immature stupid man. Do you want him for a father to your children?

Exactly. It's barely more than a fertilized egg, you are not "killing a baby."

You really don't want to be connected to this loser for the rest of your life. Prospective new human beings should be carefully planned and prepared for, and very wanted by both parents. Not have some asshole foisted on them who questions their mother's integrity.

I'd terminate ASAP and perhaps get some counseling about why you are attracted to abusers and why you rush relationships. Good luck. 💐

"Was he a virgin when you met him? If not tell him to grow the fuck up."
Even if he was a virgin-tell him the same.

@loopy9393 the red flags are waving in your face. Do NOT ignore them,

This is only going to get worse. Listen to the woman in this thread who have lived the life you are about to start with an abusive pig.

Dump him now. He cannot change that deep rooted misogyny nor does he want to. He's a legend for shagging around and you'll always be a whore to him.

He does NOT respect you and that means he can never be your equal.

RUN for this hills and look into doing the Freedom Programme.

Sorry but you can't have a conversation with a man like this, hope he gets it & changes

This is who he is

Even if it stops for a while the abuse will start in another way

I know because I have also lived it

Love doesn't look or feel like that

Please take some time out to think about your options

OP , this relationship is quite likely not going to work. If he has doubts about the paternity, it may be stemming from his friends or even his family asking him how can he be sure that the baby is his.

Small town mentality is not always fair or tolerant. Did either of you enter into this relationship think about or discussing the possibility of having a child together ?
You have not been together very long, and it does not sound as though either of you have made any future plans together.

You say that you cannot afford to leave, but you must have been living somewhere before getting together with him. What you seemingly can't afford is a baby.

He sounds pretty immature, but if he is concerned about small town gossip your relationship was probably doomed from the beginning.

You should shed both him and the town. A new place and a new start might benefit you greatly

I strongly suggest you don’t have a baby with him unless you want to be trapped, miserable and walking on eggshells with a jealous and abusive man.

You are in another abusive relationship.

I would end the pregnancy, don’t tie yourself to an abuser by having a child with him and don’t inflict this man on a child.

Get some help with recognising abuse and improving your self esteem.

This is a huge red flag, I would be reconsidering my decision to be in a relationship with him and also whether to have his child x

No, no, no.

My sister's partner is like this. Constantly says he can't trust her because of what she 'did' before he met her.

He cheated on her twice. Once repeatedly when their first baby was a tiny. The second time a one-off with her colleague.

In couples counselling he said he did it because 'her history makes him feel so insecure and he thinks she's probably cheating too' and won't accept his behaviour is appalling because it's her fault.

It is absolutely abuse. It doesn't go well. Your past is none of his business. You are separate people.

Me too. I think the suggestion about therapy is a good one. You need to reset your parameters regarding relationships.