My Adult son

[Sunnyday1203]

I am at my wits end. My son is 23 and is causing me such pain. He has a drug/ drink problem, can't hold a job , he does various things to get money to scrape by. He was living with his dad ( we are separated) but dad threw him out, so he was homeless. So I flew him over here ( I am abroad) to stay with me for a bit, with a hope to straighten him out and get back on track. This is the third time. It's not going well, my current partner has moved out as he does not like my son, never has. I feel abandoned and angry and my partner just not seem to understand, he should support me I think.
We are kind of building a plan but I just need him to see sense, I just wonder if anyone has any ideas how I can help him. I can't wash my hands it hurts so much. My partner thinks I have made massive mistake bringing my son here. This is not a place for young person, so I need to find a way to get him back to the UK and build a life. Any suggestions gratefully received.

This sounds really difficult. Is he doing anything to help himself eg applying for jobs? Where is he getting his money from to drink/drugs?

He’s never going to sort his life out when his parents refuse to let him grow up. He’s 23, not 13. I appreciate you want to help him, but constantly bailing him out instead of letting him deal with working through the consequences of his own actions is just enabling him by this point. Of course your partner shouldn’t be supporting your druggy son who won’t get a job or accommodation, you shouldn’t even be doing it.

Whaaat! You’re partner is dead right. I would have no interest at all in throwing my happy home life at the feet of an addict. In his position you wouldn’t see me for dust.

Do you honestly think your son has any actual interest in solving the drink/drugs problem or is he just making the noises you need to hear to avoid having to deal with reality.

Is there any progress do you think, What’s actually happening?

send him home. he can pitch up at a homeless unit and they can take it from there. if he has no want to come off drink drugs then u are beating a dead horse and ur partner is correct.
there are soo many services out there now
for
people in ur sons position. not
ideal by any means but better
than they used to be. he will wreck your life until he gets sorted, and that will
be on his terms whether u like it or not.

He is not getting drugs here and his drinking has come down massively so that's a start. My son was in danger and being stupid so felt I had no choice to get him out of the situation . He has been helpful this last week doing jobs and cooking so def improvement and has a days work next week. I will be sending home soon and hope he will start to apply for jobs next week. He got a small tax rebate so has a bit of cash. To answer some questions. I totally agree he needs to want to change.