Disappointed and need to forget

[AnnaMAnna5]

Hi,
Just need a vent ! Dated a guy for 5 months. Was casual but also nice and became good friends with benefits we also went abroad on holiday and had a lovely time. At certain times he wasn’t available as he has his son a few times a week and a lot of weekends at the time we were dating. He used to give out about his ex to me and I just listened but never got involved. I felt he was quite stressed and he’s a deep thinker🙄 so I said to him I hope you ok and he said maybe we should leave things between us.he’s head for isn’t ready for anything And went on to say his son is his priority and he always has to be there for him. Btw he’s back at home living with his parents and the son is with the mother. So he went on to say that I can’t give you 100% of my time and the timing with me and him is all wrong and he said if he didn’t have a kid he would jump in to a relationship with me tomorrow. He said I deserve so much more than what he can give me. Well I cried but not in front of him. I really liked this guy and fast fwd a few months on I still think of him but there’s no contact at all. I wish I was stronger and could move on. I even tried online dating but I feel sick about the whole thing and not ready. Im quite particular When it comes to men and you can’t help how you feel about someone. So finally, when I logged on to online dating there he was his whole profile pictures ect and he said his perfect weekend would be with a lovely woman cocktails good chat ect and that s what he had with me. I’m sorry but I am hurt and so is my self esteem. Perhaps he’s just looking for casuaL
sex online ! I know I need to forget about him so please be kind. He’s just prob not in to me

Btw I never asked him for a relationship and he also said we’re not on the same page!

Also I forgot to mention that I don’t know was it because his life isn’t together at all and that a friend said to me perhaps he’s looking at your life and he’s intimidated by the fact that I have it together like a good job my own place nice car.
posessions are not everything was my reply ! Perhaps we’re living totally different lives. He also said end this now as he’s afraid of one of us getting hurt 😢

You answered your own question right at the beginning by saying your relationship was casual / FWB. If you want a long term relationship don’t engage with men in this way hoping for more because it won’t happen and you will get hurt every time.

Hide his profile and only date men who state they are looking for a relationship (it may not be true, but at least it’s a better start than the alternatives).

Hi @AnnaMAnna5 bless you hun xx
Feelings can be so crap!
Honestly it's his loss, you keep going ok, don't give up, don't let this guy waste even a minute of your headspace. Sometimes i think moving on from someone will allow for someone else to come in, it's like making room for that person xx
Stay strong, you got this 💪💃

@Vegandiva yep next time I need to pay
more attention to the vibes and what they are looking for. Dating men with young kids isn’t easy and requires a lot of patience

@Summer2424 yes it’s his loss…..

Ah, the ‘afraid of one of us getting hurt’ old chestnut. I’ve had that one before and it’s complete bullshit, used by men who don’t have the balls to admit they know you’re keen but don’t feel the same.
I know it’s shit but he’s just not interested. He’d have found a way to make it work if he was. And by not having the guts to end things properly, he’s prolonged your misery.
Try to channel your sadness into anger!

Yes, and you have to ask yourself why they are no longer with the child’s mother since a mother is likely to put up with a lot to keep a family with young children together...

@Vegandiva he said he never wanted kids and he had one with her and it didn’t fix the relationship, she wanted another and he walked away, I felt like I was the life coach listening to him but blinded because I fancied him what a fool I was.

Men will say whatever they have to on dating sites to get a woman interested. They're likely to get more replies if they say they're "romantic, want weekends away etc" than if they're honest and say "I have 4 nights a month free and I'd like a guaranteed shag on all of them".

Take from this story what you will...

A friend and I were both single. I was looking for a FWB and she was looking for something long term. We met in a coffee shop and started talking about the guys we were current chatting to online. I made a joke about a guy who was the spit of some celeb. She nearly choked on her carrot cake. She was also chatting to him. Fair enough you may say, no one is exclusive when they're just chatting, however, we weren't using the same sites. She was chatting to him on Tinder and he was giving her a load of flannel about how he was looking for something long term, wanted to have kids etc and I was chatting to him on Fabswingers where he was telling me he was just looking for a FWB, was crap at relationships and didn't want the hassle that came with them after being burned too many times.

Of course we had some fun over a couple of cups of coffee both messaging him at the same time. His phone must have been 🔥 trying to keep 2 conversations going at the same time... He eventually clicked what was happening when we started asking him the same questions. The cheeky sod then asked if we would consider a threesome!

Anyway, moral of the story is (most/some) men will do/say whatever it takes to get their leg over. It's really not you, it's them. If he's back on the apps, he enjoys the thrill of the chase and you're better off out of that situation. At least he ended things with you before moving on.

Don't give up, but don't give yourself so easily. Hold something back. I don't mean sexually, I mean mentally and emotionally. Don't give too much too soon to the next one. Make them work for your attention and your time. Don't be too available. Men value scarcity. He wasn't the one for you, but you'll be the one for someone, and when that happens, you'll have no doubt about his intentions or feelings.

@FatLarrysBanned thank you so much for your advice , that story made me laugh and what a cheeky git he was in the end asking for a threesome !!! yes I always give a little and pull back a little with men but I guess with this one I gave too much. I also think he’s emotionally unavailable. I’ve learnt my lesson.
ill take on your advice - again thanks

So he went on to say that I can’t give you 100% of my time

But nobody could give 100% of their time. There's work, there's family, there are other friends, time alone, exercise, etc. Yes, you can share some of those things, but you need breathing space, too.

@EBearhug exactly ahh he just never stop analysing and talking such a deep thinker , I was like huh 100% of your time ? Eh no !!

OP if someone likes you they don't "dump" you. Forget the words check the actions. @Lampan is 100% correct

Ah Op I feel for you. I’ve recently had a heartbreak (and was never ‘properly’ with the guy in question) and it sucks. It does get easier tho I promise.

What helped me was writing down all the negative things about being with him… there were I think 115😂

For whatever reason, OP, he wasn't going to commit to you and didn't feel the same way about you. When men really want to be with somebody, they let them know, no doubts at all. This one isn't right for you and I'm sorry you're hurt.

Apologies if I've got this wrong but, have you posted about him/this before? It sounds very familiar indeed. I hope it's not the same poster because it would mean that you're still hankering and you deserve better. If you're not the same poster then it's just as bad as it shows how many of these time-wasting, using men there are about, messing with women's heads.

Whichever, you have more clarity now so you can start to forget him and heal which is exactly what you should do. He's really not good enough for you, not at all.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe yea journaling it all is good 😊

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe no I havnt posted on this before , yes I have gained more clarity on the situation as I feel I’ve been bottling it all up and this even I’ve just let it all flow ‘ Tks

So either this is true in which case he's done the right thing, or it's all just a 'nice' excuse. In any case, he's made it very clear it's over. I'm sorry as you are heartbroken of course but the only thing to do is heal and more forward

@SpringboksSocks good idea 👍 ✍️

I’m sorry. I have also come out of something relationship-y that lasted 5 months. What I can tell you, separate to the great advice you’ve already had, is that the right person won’t leave you feeling the wrong way. The list of his bad points will be very useful to you; so too will remembering that whoever he meets online will be subject to the same trauma dumping as you.

I wonder if you’re in love with his potential rather than the drama llama you’ve described? Because nothing about what you’ve written indicates that he would have made you happy long term. Plus be kind to yourself. No need to go out on dates if you’d rather lick your wounds for a little longer.