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Original poster

Treated like I'm being unreasonable for sharing disappointment with ex

27 replies

chocolateaddict231 · 13/07/2023 20:53

Hi everyone,

Hope you're having a nice day. A little background: my ex and I have been on and off for six years now and earlier this year he got back in touch after no contact. We tried over a period of a few months to rekindle things but he had treated me so badly and with such commitment fears in the years previously, that I found I couldn't get over my anxieties to forgive and move on.

I've always been there for him though, through his personal family issues etc and earlier this week he knew I was having a procedure done and would have been getting some big health results after it and how nervous I was. I spent a number of days thinking I would hear from him, refreshing my phone for messages (pathetic, I know!) so when he eventually got in touch I shared my disappointment saying 'I was surprised and thought it showed he had forgotten or didn't care'.

He seems shocked at my reaction, I was kind in my words and explained I was just sharing my feelings but he said he assumed I didn't want to hear from him (I never said this and as I said, I've always been there for him even when not in a relationship). Am I missing something or is he wrong here? I simply shared how I was feeling but now feel stupid!

OP posts:
trevthecat · 13/07/2023 21:16

Stop wasting your time and block him

Smoothiecarton · 13/07/2023 21:18

The most important part of your post is that by your own admission he ‘treated you really badly in the past’.
so a) he’s doing it again
b) block him and move on!

MichelleScarn · 13/07/2023 21:22

Sorry is he your ex or a current partner?

Original poster
chocolateaddict231 · 13/07/2023 21:40

He's my on and off again ex but I've still been there for him a lot so I assumed he would be there for me I guess

OP posts:
jelly79 · 13/07/2023 21:42

Sometimes it's hard when someone does t treat you the way you treat them. Your expectations seem too high of him - you deserve better surely x

Original poster
chocolateaddict231 · 13/07/2023 22:02

I know he's not my current partner but he's been making big strides to change himself and I hoped that meant he would be there for this and I hate that he seemed shocked I shared my disappointment

OP posts:
BackAgainstWall · 13/07/2023 23:14

Why are you wasting your time on someone that didn’t give a sh*t about something very important to you?

Time to cut him off completely.

BlastedPimples · 13/07/2023 23:35

Why do he hate he seemed who me you are disappointed he doesn't give a shit?

He's probably shocked you called him out on his lack of care for you. You've never done that before.

Sack him. He's not good enough for you. He doesn't care.

Get rid. He will never show you the care you deserve. He's taking the piss. Don't let him.

BlastedPimples · 13/07/2023 23:35

I meant to type why do you hate he seemed shocked......

WandaWonder · 13/07/2023 23:47

I can't get my head around this, I mean yeah I get it but why on earth anyone gets themselves into this I have no idea

It does not need to be this hard

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 13/07/2023 23:51

Honestly OP, you need to move on.

It's clear you're pining over him, and 6 years is a long time to know something doesn't work.

He's never going to be what you want him to be. He doesn't view you the same way you view him, and I don't think you see that.

Block him, raise your bar, and move on.

jannier · 14/07/2023 00:00

chocolateaddict231 · 13/07/2023 21:40

He's my on and off again ex but I've still been there for him a lot so I assumed he would be there for me I guess

You're never going to move on while you keep being there for him. Let him go.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/07/2023 00:04

This guy isn't caring or thoughtful to you, don't waste any more time on you. X

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/07/2023 00:04

On HIM I mean

Dotcheck · 14/07/2023 00:28

How old is he?

When he’s off with you, is he on with someone else?

Pawpatrolsucks · 14/07/2023 00:31

He should have. Your life will become much happier if you block him and forget he exists.

HermeticDawn · 14/07/2023 00:40

On and off for six years seems like a massive waste of two people’s time.

Aprilx · 14/07/2023 07:09

He doesn’t need to be there for you, he is an ex. Stop wasting your time on this, if you want somebody to be therefore you in difficult times, you first of all need to cut this one loose for good.

perfectcolourfound · 14/07/2023 07:25

He is your ex. It reads as though you think / hope you'll get back to together at some point,

Instead you need to reframe it. This man is your EX. From your past.

He showed you he couldn't be there for you. That he wasn't thinking about you at a time you were worried. This should cement for you that he is an ex and you are better of without him in your life.

LightSpeeds · 14/07/2023 08:18

Make it easy and just cut him out of your life for good. It's clearly been an imbalanced and unhappy relationship/friendship for you -- he's not a good friend to you even if you've been a good friend to him.

Possibly, he's still in your life because there's no-one else?

KPops22 · 14/07/2023 08:20

You're flogging a dead horse here!

Frogmila · 14/07/2023 08:23

He likes having you there to support him and listen to him go on about his personal stuff but isn't that bothered about supporting you. That isn't a good friend or partner, it's selfish. Free yourself up to meet someone much nicer.

Hibiscrubbed · 14/07/2023 08:28

chocolateaddict231 · 13/07/2023 22:02

I know he's not my current partner but he's been making big strides to change himself and I hoped that meant he would be there for this and I hate that he seemed shocked I shared my disappointment

You have got to cut him off. He doesn’t care. And it’s clearly stopping you from moving in with your life. He was a total shit, why do you care so much? Stop caring, he doesn’t reciprocate.

Original poster
chocolateaddict231 · 14/07/2023 10:23

He sent a brief message this morning asking how I am but I assume that's because earlier in the week I showed my disappointment.
To answer earlier questions, he's 39 and no he doesn't have another girl that I know of but he was previously on apps when we were together so I'm sure he's straight on apps again now.
I do have others but have a strong attachment to this guy and believed the 'I've changed' speeches he has been giving me this year.

OP posts:
Niceseasidetown · 14/07/2023 10:55

You need to put this in the past and cut ties.

You have expectations he is not meeting and frankly you're clinging to the dregs of a dead relationship, wanting your emotional needs met, and dressing that up as concern.

How many more years of life are you going to devote to this?

It's over. His life isn't your business.

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