Confused?

[abcdyz]

I've been seeing a guy for a few months, initially mostly just texting and then we started seeing each other more often, then he started staying over mine and now he stays basically every night. We haven't made anything "official". He works a lot and comes over to mine in the evenings, and then leaves for work in the morning. He usually eats at mine, we generally take turns buying the food. He showers here most of the time too. It's like he basically lives at mine but we aren't "together". He even asked if I mind washing a few of his clothes, but now he just puts his clothes in the wash basket with mine. Someone help me make sense of this please, because I have no idea how I'm suddenly doing his laundry and we haven't even talked about being in a relationship.

Well it seems like he probably thinks he’s in a relationship! Or maybe he thinks you’re his mum?

You need to work out where your boundaries are!

Talk to him.

Set out some proper rules for sharing expenses properly and equitably.

Do you really want to do his dirty washing?

He’s onto a good thing isn’t he?

Christ!
Reclaim your space, I know parasites and symbiotic relationships can be a bit two ends of the same spectrum but no one should be that enmeshed in your home without a good proper conversation discussing the change.
It's made me feel all claustrophobic just reading about it.
Tell him it's too much and get your space back.
You're being taken for a mug unless he's really putting in something else somewhere.

Tell him what you've told us and it isn't on.

Christ alive give your head a wobble.

You are doing too much, bring up the relationship topic if he won't, even if it's official tbh he shouldn't be expecting you to do his chores, either he's been married before and automatically expects you do carry on wife duties or he doesn't have a fixed address?

This is all a bit 'doormat experiences boiled frog situation'.
Not wanting to be harsh, but your boundaries have been pasted like warm butter on toast and you need to get a grip on this as that's not healthy and the longer it goes on the more you'll struggle to disentangle yourself.
Next his post will start arriving and you'll lose sight of what you actually want as it all just gradually slides his way.

Talk to him OP! Surely he does think you're in a relationship and you just need to clarify?

Fucking he'll, you need to learn the word 'no' op.

'Umm mate, I enjoy your company but every night is too much. I mean we haven't even discussed what we are yet and you're here literally ever day. I'm feeling a bit smothered. Can we reduce it to twice a week? And at your home sometimes too?'

@Pinkbonbon 👌
Op here's your script. Get it said.

This happened to me, 4 and half years later we are engaged 😂😂 I actually didn't mind because I liked him and loved having him around so it wasn't any bother to me and he also pulled his weight helping round the house so he wasn't just dumping his dirty boxers and running. I was also confused though so just had it out with him and straight up asked what exactly was going on between the two of us and what was it he wanted? He answered a relationship so that's what we went for. I think if he had said just seeing each other still then I'd have told him to take his dirty clothes to his own house..... i guess where you go from here depends on what you would like from him right now 🤔

Have you done any of his washing? Or has he started to put the washing on now he shares your washing basket? I have been with my DH for twenty years now and I have never put his washing on and I never will, we have our own separate washing baskets. I really hate men that think once they have found a girlfriend (or whatever) that they no longer have to do washing. 😡

Does he have his own home?
Does he live with parents?
Does he have a key to yours?
He is in the cocklodger territory.

ETA how long is a few months?
Do you ever go to his?
Do you go out on dates?

He has his own place but we stay at mine. He doesn't have a key, he's never there when I'm not. A few months meaning around 3 months. We've only been on a few dates

😲
Do you enjoy this situation?
You barely know him and he's got his feet firmly under the table. 😱

Good grief OP, he’s saving on energy bills and getting a free hotel all week. Send him back home with his dirty washing, he’s taking the absolute piss.

Im shocked how easy he has moved in by stealth.

You are not going on dates because he has got comfy staying at yours. Why don’t you let him know you are doing something else on Wednesday so you can’t see him but perhaps on thurs you could go out for a meal…cinema…whatever. Take back some control without being direct. Just organise things for you both to do. If you like him and get on well that is…really depends on if you do or not…

He's skipped the wooing part and got straight to dirty smalls. 🫣

Oh the romance!

You need to go on dates.
Have you been to his place?does he rent/own/share?

Start staying at his?

This sounds like an incredibly awkward situation and it's difficult to see how you can row back to get it to a normal 'start of relationship' situation (assuming that you do both want a relationship with each other).

Presumably, he's getting nightly sex, a bed, meals, and now washing!

You need to speak to him, at least, to establish what your relationship status is.

It may not be long before he gives up his 'unused' flat and you're stuck with him.

🚩

Yeah I wouldn't be surprised if he was gearing up to give it 'oh I have to move out of my place so why don't I just move in here'.

How much have you seen of his house op?
I'd wonder if there was something back home he was hiding from you. I mean...maybe he just doesn't like his flatmates (or running up his own bills). Or maybe...he still lives with his ex.

Definately time to wind it back.
Tell him its too much too soon. And that you want to start dating out and about again.
His reaction to boundaries and being told 'no' will be very telling.