Mum and Sisters criticise my appearence

[Lostsoul123]

Hi, was just wondering if anyone had any tips how to deal with constant criticism from both my mum and sister? I realise I am the scapegoat for them both but would love some tips on how to approach it without me coming off like im being oversensitive and me being the one upset in the situation yet again.
For some background, I am the older sister that my mum has always been a lot more strict with. My mum rarely said no to my sister growing up which has transcended into adulthood. Its like she doesnt think she can say anything construcriveto my sister so I get it by both barells. This seems to have ramped up since I've had my son and my mum makes constant negative comments. I rely on her for some childcare so don't feel like I can fly off the handle. Recently, we all went out for dinner. My sister has recently had a baby and is feeling self conscious as she's put on a lot of weight. I have been nothing but reassuring to her and complimentary. They both used this to say they think I look terrible and too skinny. I weight lift frequently at a gym and follow a healthy diet but am not underweight and actually eat quite a lot to maintain my strength? This is the most recent example but how would you guys navigate this? P

I'd tell them to STFU with their personal remarks and if they don't pack it in I'd go no contact.

You have been their scapegoat. Don't be it anymore.

Oh and DONT rely on your Mum for childcare. Make other arrangements. She knows she can get away with being a cunt otherwise.

It's very clear that your mum and sister are envious of your healthy and toned figure. As the family scapegoat naturally they will try to say negative things to put you in your place and make you feel bad.

Perhaps you can answer with 'what an odd view, my BMI is ......so at a very healthy level, but don't worry I'm sure you'll be able to improve yours soon'.

You know they will stop at nothing to put you down and be smug themselves even if it's blatantly obvious that in this instance you look 'better' than they do. I suspect they will never change but you can change how you feel and react to their hurtful messed up comments. Back yourself

I would speak to them both together, "I'd really like you both to know when you comment negatively on my appearance, clothes, weight I feel really judged and I'd like you to stop this type of comment. I love you both very much but this issue is really upsetting me".

'Charming'
'Well that was inappropriate'
'OK cool'

Or, there's a technique where you ignore everything nasty but show lots of attention when they change the topic.

So if your mum says 'you need to put in weight' you could look to your sister and go 'I love your jumper btw' and just ignore your mother. When your mother joins YOUR conversation, suddenly be interested in what she is saying again in a really positive way.

Attention for good behaviour.
Ignore for bad.

would love some tips on how to approach it without me coming off like I’m being oversensitive and me being the one upset in the situation yet again

Honestly, I think you should show that you’re upset. Bursting into tears every time they criticise you will probably put an end to it quite quickly. Of course, they’ll moan about how sensitive you are behind your back, but who cares, so long as they shut up to your face.

I would pull them up on it, every time. “Please don’t comment on my weight.” … and say it each time. Don’t fly off the handle, just blunt and straight forward. Will take ages though and you’ll probably never get what you actually want (warmth and kindness).

Beat them at their own game by saying, " yes you're right, I am skinny but you forgot to include how stupid/ old/ lackadaisical I am, not so clever now are you"
Then you laugh at them and walk off. It really confused my bullies.

Funk them off and pay for childcare/ get a different job.
Life is too short.
They know they can get away with anything because you need them.

If its weight related l would just say 'My GP is very happy with my BMI and so am l.' Then move the conversation on. Any critical comment and just respond with ' That's an interesting opinion but l think/ prefer etc...Don't give them any fuel to carry on with the criticism.

I think this is really astute.

I can't see the point in trying to game your response by seeming more upset/ less upset/ insulting them back/ strategically ignoring as you would a rude child.

Treat it as a practice in calmly standing up for yourself.

And prioritise the relationships in your life which love and nurture you. (For some of us these have to be found outside our family. )