Can't imagine a future relationship

[MenArentMindReaders]

About to separate from my DH, he ended it. I have a 7 and 4 year old. I think it will be important for me to have some time being single. But after that I can't imagine how a future relationship would work. I definitely don't want more children so why would a man want to live with me and mine? I guess the only way they would be OK with is if they already have their own but then that would mean a massive house would be needed so all kids have their own room.

I wish finances didn't come in to this but I do feel like a big appeal to persuing a relationship is to alleviate some of the financial strain of being a single parent. But obviously that's a bad motivator to be in a relationship.

If anyone has come out of a relationship with two kids and no desire for more children and then managed to get into a healthy relationship...what is your set up?

Thanks

I would say though, that if you focus on maintaining financial independence and find someone you want to be in a relationship then it can work, as long as you have a bit of time when your child is with the other parent you'll have time to date and have relationships.

See how you feel in time I've been single for 6 years never understand how people manage to date 6 months later..

I gave myself two years of being single post divorce. It wasn't intentional, I just had a lot to sort out and wanted to be fully present for my kids. I discovered I actually really liked being single. My ex has rushed from one thing to another, I think like a lot of divorced people he is seeking to replicate what he had. Living as a couple, a pair of hands to help out with the kids. There is a lot of stigma around being single but you might find its actually really great.

Having time also gave me a clearer idea of what I want. I don't want to live with someone whilst I have school age DCs. I don't want a relationship where mine or someone else's kids are a huge feature. It's nice keeping parts of my life separate and having something just for me.

In a newish relationship with an old friend. He is childless by choice and so far it's going well. Don't think to far ahead, focus on the here and now. Give yourself time to be comfortable on your own and see what happens in a few years.

What you have to watch out for are cocklodgers! Man with no home of his own, sofa surfing, living with parents, maybe jobless. There are a lot of them about. They see you, nice lady, lonely, with comfy bed and food available. Be very careful.

Hmm...you're all making come round to the idea that it might be nice to have a relationship but keep it out of my house! That would be a nice way to keep my independence, he won't have to see me parent, or see my worst bits...I'm awful before caffeine in the morning!

Once I move out with the kids we plan on ex-husband having them EOW plus one weeknight. so that would be plenty of time to have a part time boyfriend! Ha. I wouldn't intend to use all that childfree time with a boyfriend either.

That's the spirit OP! If your ex sticks to that schedule you'll have time for yourself, grow your career, date a bit if you want. Living with a man is often a lot of hard work for a woman.

Been divorced 6 years. ExH left when DD was 6. Been with DP 3 years. No intentions on living together. Love having my independence and own roof over my head. See each other a few times a week when DD is with her dad. Sometimes their paths cross but they get on very well. I'm not looking for a replacement father figure for her.

My house is a sport free zone. I can watch Bake Off, Strictly and any other trashy TV I want whenever I want. I can have cheese and crackers for tea if I want and not have to bother cooking if I can't be arsed. The house looks exactly the same as I left it when I come home from work. I'm not doing the life admin for another adult. I don't buy cards and presents for someone else's family. I have fairy lights in the kitchen. I have as many cushions on the bed as I want. My house is completely me and DD. She has pets in her room and the landing light on all night if she needs it (ASD). I don't want anyone making me compromise on these small things because for me they make my life easier as well as a million other small things.

I honestly cannot see a single advantage of living with a man ever again. I have brilliant sex 2 or 3 times a week and he's also great company. He cooks dinner when he comes over or we go out. Not living with each other means we don't deal with the drip, drip of daily niggles that end up breeding resentment if your marriage is not in a good place.

Get your finances sorted so you never have to rely on another man and it will be the most freeing experience you ever have. I promise.

Thanks @OhamIreally .

That was inspiring @FatLarrysBanned ! That sounds amazing :)

If you're after another example of successfully relationship while not living together @MenArentMindReaders , my Mum and Stepdad were together 10 years, married for 5 and never lived together. They both were happy in their own houses, and would split their time between them. A couple of nights at his, a couple of nights at hers, a couple.of nights alone, no schedule, just whatever they fancied.

Me and my brother were grown up, while my step dads kids were early teens when they got together, and I don't think Mum was up for the step parenting thing. She got along great with his kids, but didn't have to get involved in bringing them up or disciplining them, as she wasn't in that role.

Mum had cancer for the last 6 years of her life, and once she got seriously ill my stepdad spent the bulk of his time at her house, but he always had his own place to escape if he needed to.

Despite the cancer, the last decade of my Mum's life was one of her happiest, by her own admission, and a lot of that was down to her marriage, unconventional as it was.

I was left with four children. We made a loving, strong, family unit. After a few years I completely unexpectedly found my soulmate, and we worked out a relationship that works for us: He lives a couple of doors down, we are literally one minute away from each other. We are intertwined but have our own space, the children had no tension, it’s really really good and it’s been years like this.
You never know what will happen in the future, try and focus on what you do have - it all passes very quickly.