Hysterical bonding

confusedwife12345 · 2023-07-13T07:46:22+00:00

Has anyone had any experience with hysterical bonding after finding out about your husband’s affair? How did it go? How long did it last? Did you stay together? Any other thoughts?

Loubelou14 · 13/07/2023 17:20

My husband had an emotional affair a few years ago. I remember I was really upset and frightened. I also remember fancying him and wanting sex more. I remember thinking that I wish it had been like that all along. I think it settled after a few weeks. We stayed together but eventually separated. I remember that feeling and only recently learned the term hysterical bonding and I think that explained it for me.

Original poster

confusedwife12345 · 13/07/2023 17:27

Loubelou14 · 13/07/2023 17:20

My husband had an emotional affair a few years ago. I remember I was really upset and frightened. I also remember fancying him and wanting sex more. I remember thinking that I wish it had been like that all along. I think it settled after a few weeks. We stayed together but eventually separated. I remember that feeling and only recently learned the term hysterical bonding and I think that explained it for me.

How long did you separate after and what eventually made you decide ( if you don’t mind me asking?)

OP posts:

Loubelou14 · 13/07/2023 17:40

I found another message from the Ow and in the time since I'd learned of her we'd fallen into the same rut and he hadn't been very nice to me. I'd said to myself if it ever happened again I would know my worth and walk away. That's what I did.

Superdupes · 13/07/2023 17:43

Yes but no we didn't stay together because although he was saying all the right things it was just lies and he was still trying to line up someone else.

Original poster

confusedwife12345 · 13/07/2023 17:46

Loubelou14 · 13/07/2023 17:40

I found another message from the Ow and in the time since I'd learned of her we'd fallen into the same rut and he hadn't been very nice to me. I'd said to myself if it ever happened again I would know my worth and walk away. That's what I did.

🙏. That’s very strong of you

OP posts:

Loubelou14 · 13/07/2023 17:49

Thank you. It did give me a sense of pride and I know I'd never put up with that again. We're only here once. We deserve to be with people who cherish us.

BlastedPimples · 13/07/2023 18:44

I discovered my stbx was having an affair in 2014.

He said he was remorseful. Promised he would never do it again. I was stunned by my reaction. My libido went through the roof. Constant sex with him for about six months. I feel utterly repulsed with myself remembering that hysterical bonding. I believe it is borne out of fear and desperation to cling onto the status quo.

We stayed together and things were ok, sometimes even good but then in 2019, I suspect he started having multiple affairs as his personality changed for the worse. Really vicious and vindictive. I just avoided him and his nastiness. It culminated with him assaulting me last autumn.

He's now with his gf and I expect he will start having an affair again soon and the whole cycle will begin again for him. I am so glad I did not have the hysterical bonding reaction again because it was really quite overpowering.

Ihaveoflate · 13/07/2023 19:33

Yes. It settled down after a couple of months. I have no regrets about it. Our sex life is still better than it ever was before. We're still together.