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Original poster

How do I let him go?

15 replies

GreenJasper · 13/07/2023 02:27

I love him 😞

He needs to go, please don't berate me for this reason but he needs to go because he has an elderly ex wife and he can't live with the guilt of leaving her alone.

He has to go. He is going.

How do I move on?

I love him

OP posts:
Bluesheeps · 13/07/2023 02:30

Are you sure it’s an ex?

JeandeServiette · 13/07/2023 02:37

He's leaving to care for his elderly ex wife?

Sounds like he's waffling somewhere there.

Original poster
GreenJasper · 13/07/2023 02:48

Definitely an ex

OP posts:
Bluesheeps · 13/07/2023 02:51

Why is he putting her first then?

anyway, im sorry it’s tough when relationships end. But you will be ok. Let yourself mourn. I promise in 12 weeks it will be ok.

Original poster
GreenJasper · 13/07/2023 02:58

Guilt that she will be alone I think and he wants to leave ok after her.

He is a good person, unlike anyone I'll ever find again.😞😞

Why do you say 12 weeks

OP posts:
Bluesheeps · 13/07/2023 03:04

You’ll probably find someone better.

I went through a breakup that knocked me for six. I read an article that talked about the grieving process and remember it saying the first 12 weeks are the worst.

I don’t know if it’s true, but it gave me a target thinking I only need to feel like this for 12 weeks…the pain will end.

before I knew it I’d stopped counting the weeks and had new life plans.

Beauvillebeau · 13/07/2023 08:16

Moving on will be easy once you see him for what he is. Sorry OP but an ex is an ex for a reason. The only reason an ex should take priority is if they are the mother or father of your children.

What has he got to feel guilty for? I feel there's more to this than he is letting on. He is not willing to cut the apron strings from his old life and you will always be playing second fiddle to his 'ex' wife.

Why is he putting her first rather than you? Why has he to feel guilty about? To me its obvious he is still in love with her and regrets leaving her.

You'll find someone better, who will put your needs first without hesitation. Move on before he breaks your heart even more.

Nugg · 13/07/2023 08:20

He's going back for the inheritance surely?!

Cadwallad · 13/07/2023 09:26

Let him go to her. This type of relationship can only be bad for you. Nobody should be made to feel second best.

It's clear he is already having a negative impact on your self esteem. In love with a man who isn't willing to meet your needs before his ex wife's and allowing him to treat you this way. What's more making you feel sympathetic for the way you are being treated.

Speak to friends and family, or maybe a bit of therapy could help. You're better of alone than with the wrong man. Especially one that treats you this way.

Bbshell · 13/07/2023 13:10

Beauvillebeau · 13/07/2023 08:16

Moving on will be easy once you see him for what he is. Sorry OP but an ex is an ex for a reason. The only reason an ex should take priority is if they are the mother or father of your children.

What has he got to feel guilty for? I feel there's more to this than he is letting on. He is not willing to cut the apron strings from his old life and you will always be playing second fiddle to his 'ex' wife.

Why is he putting her first rather than you? Why has he to feel guilty about? To me its obvious he is still in love with her and regrets leaving her.

You'll find someone better, who will put your needs first without hesitation. Move on before he breaks your heart even more.

Whole heartedly agree with this. Why should the needs of an ex be put before your needs.

Why are her needs more important than yours?

Do her wants and needs mean more to him than yours?

Sorry OP but you should be his priority, not running back to his ex wife when ever she calls.

To me he's trying to have the best of both worlds. A snake in the grass and not to be trusted.

Even worse you're feeling guilty for wanting rid of him.

Run, while you have the chance!

mimi912 · 13/07/2023 15:30

How 'elderly' is she?! Not to be blunt about it, but how many years will he be spending with her until he expect her (presumably) to die? This is a very unusual situation, OP. How did you get into this?

Skmay68 · 13/07/2023 15:39

Well done for recognising it must end before it went any further.

An exs needs should never trump yours no matter what the circumstances.

Emzyandme2 · 13/07/2023 17:05

mimi912 · 13/07/2023 15:30

How 'elderly' is she?! Not to be blunt about it, but how many years will he be spending with her until he expect her (presumably) to die? This is a very unusual situation, OP. How did you get into this?

What a revolting way to treat somebody. Being asked to take a back seat, be a seat warmer while he puts his exs wife's needs before yours. Awaiting her passing in hope that one day he will put your needs first.

Summer2424 · 13/07/2023 17:23

Hi @GreenJasper aww bless you hun ❤ just take each day as it comes ok. Everyday fill your time with something. You my lovely and the guy are amazing, putting the ex's feelings into consideration. If you are both meant to be you will be.
Just take it easy ok, just continue to be the amazing woman you are xx

Neonirite · 13/07/2023 17:44

Relationship breakdowns are always tough regardless of the who, why or how. But your needs need to be met aswell not only his exs. Yes he may think he's doing the right thing but in the process he's hurting you. There's a huge difference between putting his exs feelings into consideration and putting her needs before yours.

There's no doubt it will hurt but you will get through this and find someone willing to put you first

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